▶ Your Answer : Some people say that a teacher who is serious and strict is more effective because students would be more alert before him or her. However, I strongly believe that a teacher who uses humor and is easygoing is more effective in respect of academics and living an affluent life.
To begin with, students can improve their academic abilities. To studying is to learn what you do not know. To learn what you do not know, you should ask questions. (May be you can state like this~) Learning is an act of acquiring new, or modifying, existing knowledge ,skills and experience. (And next, mention question related) that one Students are not likely to ask questions to strict teachers. This is because they are extremely nervous with being reprimanded. My chemistry professor, for example, treats students in an authoritarian way. Students usually sit in the back seats. Almost all students who sit in the back seats naturally tend to slack off, playing with their smartphones or doing their assignments. When the exam period comes, only then they begin to study chemistry. There are lots of things they do not know because they did not pay attention in class. What is more, they have there is no one asking a question in class to ask, so they are left unable to comprehend contents or they even just give up studying chemistry. No wonder they hate chemistry the most. The result is a terrible vicious cycle. Therefore, teachers need to be more flexible for the quality of students' education.
On top of that, students can lead an affluent life. When it comes to designing the future and dealing with failures, mentor's advice is crucial. According to the research, upper 90% of successful people have a good mentor. They maintain a close relationship with their mentors. They meet with their mentors regularly, and they would seek pieces of advice and find a solution together without hesitation if they are in difficult situations. On the other hand, a strict teacher is difficult to approach. Moreover, a serious and strict teacher tends to regard hardships as problems for individuals and minimize their help. Consequently, it is clear that an easygoing teacher is more helpful for students to lead a successful life.
To sum up, intimate and easygoing teachers are more effective in two ways. First, they can make students improve their academic abilities. Second, they can also help students to live an affluent life. In this regard, I disagree with the statement that a teacher who is serious and strict is more effective than a teacher who uses humor and is easygoing.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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3
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3
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Score
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Fair 19-22
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Topic sentence가 상당히 짧고 간결합니다. With the guidance of strict teachers 와 같은 문장을 반드시 첨가해주셔야 합니다. 두 번째 단락은 상당히 잘쓰셨어요.
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