▶ Your Answer : Some people argues (people이 복수) that the internet has a lot of dangerous factors, so it is better to use other ways to get information. However, I strongly believe that using the internet is one of the best ways to get the information we need. I will explain with several reasons.
To begin with, we can save time through using the internet. To explain, we get the information through the internet whenever we have the access to the internet. From my example, I have used the internet whenever I needed the information for my homework. If it were not for the internet, I might have spent a lot of time on searching through books and asking people. However, because of the internet, I was able to get the information quickly and finish my homework. Moreover,^due to the development of smart phone, it became much easier for us to use the internet. As long as we have a smart phone and the internet connection, we can get the information wherever we are.
Second, you can get the information from various points of view. To be specific, the internet is the a place where people from all around the world can share their information and thoughts. Therefore, even if you are searching for one subject, you can get a lot of different ideas from different perspectives. For example, If I want to make a cheese cake, I can go to the internet and get countless recipes about different types of chess cheese cakes. This helps me get the most satisfying information for me.
To sum up, the internet is the fastest way to get the information and it also has many kinds of information from different perspectives. In this regard, I strongly believe that using the internet is a good way to get the information.
Fair (17-23)
주어+동사, FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So) 주어+동사 로 이어주세요. one of the 복수 입니다. 스펠링에 유의해주세요. (proofreading) 내용적으로는 두 본문 다 personal experience를 쓰셔서 설득력이 높지 않습니다. 개인 경험은 하나 이하로 써주세요. 단어 수가 부족합니다. 미니멈 300 글자 입니다. 두번째 본문에서 설명과 예시를 늘리거나 본문들 마지막 문장에서 논지를 한번 더 정리해주는 식으로 단어 수를 늘려주세요. 글자 수를 늘리지만 필요한 설명을 늘려야 설득력이 높아집니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |