▶ Your Answer : It is worth discussing about whether or not cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes. I agree on the comment that cars made a greater impact compared to airplains because of two reasons.
Cars have made a great environmental impact in our society. For one thing, fossil fuels used for driving cars emit harmful gases that affect people by causing respiratory diseases like asthma. Also, these gases can destroy ozone layer, which protects earth species from being affected by ultraviolet rays. This can cause harmful effects on both human beings and other living things. (문장이 지나치게 길어지지 않게 주의 해 주세요) In Korea, economic development caused by industrialization influenced the number of cars to increase constantly increase of car users, which made common people living in capital of Korea, Seoul, severely affected by the emissions of harmful gas. and other diseases followed by them. (경제발전과 자동차 수 증가에 대한 logical background가 없습니다)
Compared to airplanes, cars are more common in usage. As discussed in former paragraph, industrialization in Korea also affected people to find faster and more convenient way to transfer goods between cities. This brought companies and people to buy more cars, and the government had to develop of lots of paved roads. Nowadays, cars are being used in everyday life for families, companies, friends, and lots of other people in the usage of traveling, transferring goods, and so on. Also, countries with small landscape like Korea made it efficient for car users to travel anywhere.(해당 문장과 주제/주장과의 연관성을 찾을 수 없습니다.) Due to the fact that cars have great environmental effect and is common in every day usage, I agree on the fact that cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes. --> 결론에서 주제에 대한 미래 등 전체 글을 마무리짓는 문장을 붙여 결론의 내용을 풍부하게 작성해 주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 아이디어는 양호하지만 이를 글로 작성하는 과정에서 문법/문장 실수가 많이 보입니다. (Affect - 동사 / Effect - 명사입니다) - 예시는 구체적인 예 (통계/실제 사례/개인의 이야기) 를 활용해주세요.
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