▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that
setting strict rules would help their children to succeed in life. However, I
personally disagree with the above idea for the two subsequent reasons. First,
what really helps children succeed in life is freedom from their parents.
Second, strict rules make children rebel against parents.
First of all, flexible rules stimulate
children to decide something by themselves, which means they are able to choose
anything they want. Therefore, they can plan their own life and know exactly
what they want to be in the future. I will take my personal experience as an
example. When I was younger, I was interested in cosmetics, so I used to practice putting make up on myself
and dreamed to be a make-up artist. Although my parents did not like it because
they thought my age was too young to adorn my face, they eventually let me do what I want
and even bought expensive cosmetics for me. Finally, I achieved my goal partially by succeeding to major in
beauty art, which I always wanted to study to become a professional makeup artist.
On top of that, strict rules can make
remote distance between parents and children. Generally, parents are able to
set strict rules for their children who are under twenty years old because those who are defined as 'adults' legally, over twenty years old, is beyond control of their parents. Children who are less
than 20 years old experience adolescence, which means that most of them do not want to be what parents want them to be. According to survey done by Survey Institute
of Korea, not surprisingly, there are more than 80 percent of children who
reply that they hate parents’ strict rules. In answers, they said that they will rebel against the rules even without any reason if they face some of situation when they are forced to do what they do not desire.
Therefore, I can go so far as to say that strict rules will make a thick wall
between parents and children.
To sum up, flexible rules can help
their children succeed in their own life as well as relationship between parents
and their children much better. In this regard, I personally refute that
parents should set strict rules for their children to make them succeed in
life. Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
|
ORGANIZATION
|
PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
|
LANGUAGE USE
|
GRAMMAR
|
FAIR | FAIR
|
FAIR
|
LIMITED
|
LIMITED
|
각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
- 에세이에서 주장에 대해 각 이유를 설득력있게 펼치는 과정은 매우 중요합니다. 특히 붉은색으로 교정한 부분은 문법 뿐만이 아니라 내용에서 빠질 경우 흐름이 매끄럽지 못한 부분을 교정했습니다. 참고해주세요.
|