▶ Your Answer : It is debatable to find whether it is more
important for teachers to be connected with students than to be experts in their
fields. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue
can be different depending on the individual perspectives. In my opinion,
however, I support that it is more crucial for teachers to be connected with
students for the following reasons. To begin with, making good connection with
students is very important because it helps teachers to learn about building
relationships with their students. To be specific, interacting with students
creates opportunities for teachers to achieve their achieving teachers' goals, which as a result allows
teachers to learn how to build relationships through communicating their
thoughts and connecting to each other's feelings. Building relationships is a
great way to develop important skills such as social, interpersonal, and
communication skills. It also provides the basis for strong ties with their
students. To illustrate, Bill Gates, who is the founder of Microsoft, has made
great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was able to build
meaningful relationships with his teachers when he was young. In his words, his
teachers tried to do their best for guiding him. Therefore, this proves that
making good connection with students is very important in order to build great
relationships. -->빌게이츠가 선생님과의 relationship을 build했다고 해서 선생님들과 good connection을 만들었다고 단정할 수 없습니다. 설명을 추가해서 제시한 이유인 '선생님' 입장에서 아이들과의 관계를 형성하는 것이 좋은 점을 부각해주세요. On top of that, it is very vital for
teachers to connect with students because it accompanies an educational
process. In other words, teachers can raise their ability of teaching as a
teacher which as a result allows them to and obtain valuable information to stay ahead for
teaching, stay ahead, and attain personal growth. Education is the most
powerful weapon that teachers can change the world, and they can do this by
always trying to connect with their students. For example, Alex, one of my best
friends, is a teacher in Teamview highshool. He was worried whether he should either work or study continue to
do his work or study further more for his master's degree. He always wanted to be
a university professor since he was young. I heard he ended up continuing to teach at school because of the relationships with his students. He does not want to break
up the relationships. Through this experience, I realized that being connected with
students is more precious and giving to my friend, Alex, a good lesson. Hence, This shows that it is very vital for teachers to connect with students since it
contains a learning process. ==> 예시 속에는 밑줄 친 learning process에 대한 언급이 없습니다. learning process와 관련한 예시를 작성하여 본인의 이유가 맞다는 것을 입증해야 합니다.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is
more crucial for teachers to be connected with students because it helps teachers to
build great relationships with their students and contain a learning process
for themselves. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument
regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the
reasons mentioned above. Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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