▶ Your Answer :
There are some people who believe that air
planes have made more changes in society than cars did. However, I strongly disagree with the
above idea above; there exist roughly two subsequent reasons to backup my
perspective. First, the car industry takes a pivotal role in economic economy than
planes do. Second, cars adversely affect the environment.
First of all, the car industry have been
critical in economy economic. To be specific, car industries have triggered the
advancement to of society, leading the public to have less time-consuming in their
moving-period, which allows them to use time more efficiently by using conducive,
cozy vehicles like cars in their work fields or their own communities. In a recent
survey done by 23 KB Mobile Company in the US. The researchers announced that 83%
of people in the whole entire country are actually required to have a car license
in their workplaces.
On top of that, cars have a toxic,
inhospitable influences on the environment. To be specific, cars contains high
degree of CO2, which pollutes air and leads adverse consequences for human health
as well as animals. In a research paper written by Edward Deci, Ph D. in analyzing
of the natural environment, he contends that the natural environment are
vulnerable to air pollution, especially by gases composed of unfavorable factors
like lead which is mostly emitted from cars. Even though the CO2 are also used in
the planes, but the level of harmful gases in automobiles is higher than that
in the planes. According to the report from last year, the number of patients
of inactive respiratory system in nowadays are increased twice times of the
last year's one, and 70% of them are due to the air pollution.
In conclusion, cars have both positive and
negative influences, such as the prosperity in economy and inclement, toxic harms
in the polluted air. In this regard, I have a strong conviction that cars have
more effects on society that planes do.
예상점수: 21-24 총평: 글에서 부정적인 점과 긍정적인 점 모두 잡으려고 하신 점은 잘하신것 같아요. 다만 첫번째 이유의 경우 조금 더 구체적인 설명이 필요하고 fluency 문제가 많이 존재합니다. 두번쨰 바디는 크게 문제없이 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 문법적인 오류는 크게 존재하지 않습니다 하지만 글이 조금 더 다듬어져야할 필요성은 있습니다. 짧은 에세이에서 부정적인 면과 긍정적인 면을 다 담아내기에는 분량적인 문제가 있어서 차라리 긍정적인 면에 집중하시는게 더 좋을 것 같다는 생각이 드네요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |