▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that teenagers are more affected with their family or teachers than their friends. However, in my opinion, teenagers exchange a large amount of impact among themselves from same aged people. The reasons are that they spend most of time with their companions and they do not tend to talk with adults. for the following subsequent reasons. To begin with, youths spend a lot of time on hanging out with peers. In fact, they stay in schools most of the day. For example, there was a poll conducted by Gallup with teenagers as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to determine the consensus view about how much they are influenced by their mates. The majority replied that the people who affect them are their classmates. A overwhelming 67% had responded that they tend to mimic each other since they spend a considerable time with their friends in a classroom and they want to make a better friendship. This demonstrates that companionship has a great impact on teenagers. On top of that, teenagers do not like to have a dialogue with adults. In other words, they think that adults cannot understand them. For instance, when my brother was in a middle school, he did not want to talk with our parent. He preferred getting together with his companions to staying in home with our parent. They worried about him, so they asked him why he do not converse with them. He said that he felt that parent cannot comprehend the puberty. This shows that adults are not likely to have a great influence on teenagers. In a nut shell, the people who take up most of their time are their friends and they do not want to have a conversation with adults. In this regard, I hold that peers have a larger amount of effect on teenagers than anyone else. Good; 24~30 점수: 24 일단 이 에세이에서 가장 크게 실수한 부분은 구체적인 설명이 업습니다. 이유를 서술하시고 난 후 이유를 설명할 수 잇는 구체적인 설명이 나오고 바로 예시로 들어가야하는 데 지금 이 에세이는 이러한 부분에 있어 문제가 있습니다. 좀 더 명확하게 구체적인 설명이 들어가야지만 이 에세이가 어떠한 말을 하려고 하는 것인지를 좀 더 자세하게 파악할 수 있습니다. 항상 이러한 부분들을 숙지하시면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |