▶ Your Answer : 29분 / 338
I disagree that the invention of the
internet has had negative effects on our civilization. There are ayn ample
reasons why the invention of it has had more positive effects, in particular
those which have enabled people to access a lot of information and maintained
friendly relations with friends or family.
First of all, there is an outpouring of
information about everything on an internet. Before the internet was invented, people
had spent more time to solve minor problems due to a lack of information.
However, we can find whatever we want through the internet. For example, when
my apartment contract was ended, I had to clean my room so that I don’t pay
extra money. My dirty sink annoyed me because stubborn dirt in the sink wasn’t
removed at all. I could have commissioned an expert. I searched on the internet
to save money. There was an accurate procedure on removing the dirt. I could in
turn solve the problem.
Second, no matter how I live far away from
my family or friends, it is possible to keep in touch with them through an internet.
Before the invention, there were many people breaking with their relationship
with friends due to a long distance. Since 2010, I have started to live alone
due to my study. My niece was born at the same time. Although I wanted to see
her, there was only an international phone call. I did not want her to remember
only her uncle’ voice. Fortunately, a video call was invented from 2011. If
there was not the internet, I could be very lonely because I lived away from my
family. Even, we could have fallen into a bad relationship. However, I could
see my family whenever I wanted through using the internet.
I agree that the invention of the internet
have brought a lot of positive effects on our civilization. A lot of
information on the internet made our life easy. The development of the
application based on the internet made our life convenient. Good: 24~30 점수: 26 대채로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분은 각 단락의 이유들이 주제를 잘 파악하고 잘 설명하는 것인가? 입니다. 이러한 부분에 있어서 지금 이 에세이는 잘 서술됬습니다. 각 바디의 예시나 설명들이 이유를 잘 서포트하고 있습니다. 이유를 잘 서포트 하고 있기 때문에 전반적으로 에세이 자체가 논리정연합니다. 앞으로도 이렇게 계속 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |