As a rule of thumb, some old people maintain that the past was more convenient than the modern world since they think using sophisticated machines such as cell phone is complex and cumbersome. In the contrast, I believe in a different direction for the following reasons. First, highly developed vehicle system enables us to move faster than before. Second, communicating with others was one of the difficult matter, however, (Unnecessary part for thesis) the advent of the Internet makes it easier.
To begin with, moving long distances needs more than a day in the past. (Better mention from the view you support) To be specific, at that time, people had to prepare a tremendous amount of food because there was no good roads and vehicles; presumably, some of them used horses or even their foot as a transportation. However, as time went by, we could go anywhere in the world by a day. Let's take aeroplane as an example. When my grandparents were young, crossing the ocean was considered only a fairy tale; aeroplane was merely for a rich person or a president. Due to this reason, they had used a locomotion which is a type of trains before a century as a major means of transportation. The important point here is that it was more than 10 times slower than the aeroplane. Moreover, it could not move across the oceans while the aeroplane is possible. In other words, moving toward the sea provide faster and efficient path to people. This example demonstrates that in the contemporary world is much comfortable.
On top of that, the appearance of the Internet was a type of revolution to most people. As we have seen I mentioned earlier, past people in the past used the archaic vehicles and it was utilized as one of the communication methods. In effect, sending information to friends who live a long distance away was almost impossible. On the other hand, we may not understand this phenomenon since we have been used cell phones or Laptops which can utilize the Internet. Sending an email or a message is normal matter, not a hardship unlike in the past. When I turned to 12, I bought a cell phone called Galaxy S which is made by Samsung to my uncle. At the first time, I did not imagine about any expression because most of my friends had used it. (Unclear) However, astoundingly, he was shocked by it while he had been used a handwritten message. In addition, he told me that this brings out a big convenient to him. in this sense, sophisticated devices such as cell phones make the world more comfortable.
In a nutshell, communicating to other and moving another place was considered as a problem, meanwhile, in the contemporary days, this is merely a minor problem to us. In this regard, I firmly agree with the statement.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
Score | Fair 18-21 | - Time frame에 다소 혼동이 있습니다. 정확히 몇 십년 전에 말을 이동수단으로 이용하였고, 또 기차를 그렇게 이용하였는지 시기를 분리하여 명시하여 주세요.
- Galaxy S which is made by Samsung 로 길게 명시하시는 것 보다는 바로 Samsung's Galaxy S로 서술하여 주세요. - 같은 내용을 반복에서 언급하지 않도록 유의하여 주세요.
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