Topic:
Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right and wrong and how to behave well, some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
원문:
As a result of the responsibility of a teacher,One side argument is they orght to teach the students how to distinguish right and wrong and how to be a human being well.the other side view is they should solely teach students about academic konwledges.In the following paraguaphs I will discuss each argument.
First,teaching konwledges is a initial responsibility of a teacher.they should make every student learned various konwledges and the methods of how to study. When the students are studying in the primary school,they do not know anything about different subjuct. A good teacher should have the ability of how to guide the students to study and improve the attention of students increasingly paying to the various subject.
On the other hand, apart from academic knowledges the students also need other skills. It is necessary that the teacher taught the students how to realise everything of the society, such as teammork,uderstanding each other, helping someone when he or she needs, in addition,the teacher also need teach the students how to solre the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.
In conclution,Teacher plays a significant role in Education of students. The academic knowledges and social skills were learned through the teachers. Thus, They should not only teach varions knowledges, but teach every social technologies as well.
전체적 평가:
문제점:
1.간단한 문법 및 표현 방식의 잘못
2.논증 과정에 있어서, 정리되지 않은 논리
3.state personal view 를 하지 않음
4.언어,특히 문장의 변화가 잘 되지 않았다.
주의할점 :
1. 작문하기 전에, 선구조, 후문장의 순서로 문장의 구조를 합리적으로 나열한다.
2. 한가지 의미로, 두가지 이상을 표현 할 수 있는 표현 방식으로 작문한다.
3. 문장을 다 쓴 후, 단복수, 스펠링등을 반드시 검사한다.
교정 후 :
As to the responsibility of teachers, one argument is that they should solely teach students about academic subjects. While, the other view is that they ought to teach the students how to distinguish right from wrong, and how to be a human being well. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the above opinions and state my personal view.
People who hold the first view argue that teaching about academic subjects is an essential responsibility for any teacher. From their point of view, a qualified teacher should not only make every student acquire the knowledge, but also learn how to learn independently. Take students in the primary school as an example, most pupils do not know anything about their subjects. Therefore, a good teacher should have the ability to guide the students to study and inspire their interests on this field. Only in this way can students become independent in their future and further study.
문제:첫 문장이 주제문이 되어야 한다. 언어는 간결해야 한다.
알아 두어야 할 점 :acquire/gain knowledge
* 예를들 시에는 반드시, 자신의 관점을 지지해줄 만한 적절한 예문을 사용해야 한다.
On the other hand, others hold the opinion that apart from academic subjects, teachers need to teach students about how to tell right from wrong, and how to behave well. They believe that by doing so, students can easily adapt to the society where they may be confronted with various choices, including both the good and the bad. In class time, a teacher’s peoper behaviors, attitudes and comments on social issues will absolutely set good examples for students. Accordingly, students can develop their correct philosophy of life, and meantime they build up the indispensible quality, such as teamwork, tolerance, perserverence. In this way, the students can learn how to solve the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.
3번째 단락:찬성하는 관점을 일반적으로 뒤에, 그리고 조금 더 길게 쓴다.
Taking into account the above analysis, I prefer the second view. What makes me convinced is that the ultimate goal of education is to server the development of the society. From my point of view, only those people, who are quipped with not only knowledge, but proper behavior and the ability to tell right from wrong, can shoulder the responsibility of constructing society.
문장의 완성:윗글을 총괄해서 자신의 관점을 간결하게 나타내고, 원인을 요약하여 설명한다.