Write a letter to the local school in your neighborhood to give suggestions about improving its buildings and play area. Include
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Why they should be improved
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Suggestions for how
- When they could be improved
Dear sir or madam Sir or Madam (이 대문자는 그냥 외우시면 편합니다.),
I hope you find this well. I’m writing to suggest regarding some buildings in your school. I would like you to know that some parts of the school buildings have to be renovated.
There are several reasons why they should be changed. Firstly, the library and the gym in our school are quite old compared to other facilities and their painting is peeled off and cracks are visible in many parts. Secondly, our playground has been built long time ago (고로 위험하고~등의 표현이 들어가면 더 설득력있습니다.) and there are many other people who are not students using our playground, so it should be bigger than now (이 내용의 경우 how에 해당하므로, 밑의 문단으로 가는 게 좋습니다. 물론 그냥 가서는 안 되고, 이 과정에서 조금 더 구체적인 방안의 보완이 필요하겠죠.) to give our children better educational environment.
I would also like to give you some details of how they can be improved. For peeling-off buildings, we can hire a couple of painters to paint the wall and cracks. Also, it would be a good idea if we can ask people who use our school facility to donate for remodeling.
I assume that these measures can take more than 1 month but when it comes to painting the old buildings, it could be just 1 week to be taken. (when의 경우 얼마나 걸리는 걸 묻는 게 아니라, 언제 이걸 실행해야할지를 묻는 질문입니다. 고로 '방학 때 애들 집에 가면 그때 하는 것도 괜찮아~' 등의 내용으로 넣어주시면 돼요.)
I hope you consider this seriously and take actions for it. I look forward to your reply.
Sincerely,
Victoria Kim
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
지금도 그럭저럭 괜찮게 쓰인 글이긴 한데, 사실 빅토리아님의 영어 실력을 고려했을 때 약간의 아쉬움은 남네요. 위에서 말씀드렸듯이 세 번째 조건이 정확하게 반영되지 않은 상태이며, 두 번째 조건의 경우도 위치 배분에서 약간의 문제가 보이는 상황이죠. 이 두 가지가 보완되면 보다 좋은 글이 될 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)