Your Answer ▼
Since the invention of automobiles, mankind has been tremendous technological advanced tremendously regarding technology, and the world has become smaller in comparison to past decades. However, the condition of pollution in contemporary society has been critically deteriorated by the growing level of private vehicles. As a result, some problems have occurred, in which and people are suffering from. (해결책도 이 글을 통해 언급될 것이므로, 이에 관해 다뤄주세요!)
There are several solutions to reduce the number of personal automobiles, but the most conspicuous one is perhaps imposing a higher tax on automotive owners. Despite driving a car is the most comfortable and convenient way to commute or travel, if the payable expenses are much higher in contradistinction to public transports, people would be encouraged to opt public ones such as trains, buses instead of own vehicles. This would directly influence to cut down the number of cars, the level of congestion, noise and air pollution.
Another way governments could tackle these problems is to provide lawful benefits for car manufacturing companies and users to use eco-friendly energy resources. It is an irrevocable and irrefutable fact that consuming petrol and gas by the number of vehicles is one of the major causes of producing a significant amount of exhaust fumes. Accordingly, new energy resources such as solar power, wind and so on would crucially help to reduce air contamination. (이 마지막 문장과 관해, 혹은 다른 내용으로라도 한 줄 정도의 추가를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 예시를 넣는 게 가장 좋고요.)
As to assess to my notion, I am greatly convinced that the best configuration is to enforce lawful actions to discourage to drive own vehicles or encourage to use environment-friendly cars.
항상 감사드립니다 ! 스스로 체크해봣을때는 그런대로 나왔다고 생각되는데 다시 보면 항상 문제점들이 생기더라구요! 그래도 체점자님 덕분에 문제점을 파악하고 조금더 나은방향으로 가고있는거 같아서 항강 감사하게 생각하구 있습니다! 스트럭처는 대체적으로 비슷하지만 문제를 task achievement 에 최대한 중점을 애매한 표현대신 제생각을 확실히 전달하는방향으로 글을 써나가는 연습을 하고있는중입니다. 다시 한번 감사드립니다!
네 sun님 파이팅입니다~제가 대면으로 과외를 시켜드릴 수 있으면 금방 8점으로 올려드릴 수 있는데 인터넷 상이라 더 정확한 피드백을 드릴 수 없어 죄송할 따름이네요. 얼른 좋은 선생님을 찾기를 기원하겠습니다 :)
|