▶ Your Answer :People should be friends with animals or they should beregarded only as a source of people’s food and clothes. To what extent do you agree or disagree.? Whether or not animals should be regarded as friends or foodand clothes has always been a subject of debate. Some people say that food and clothes fabricated by animal’s skin makes more prominent.>> 뭘 더 prominent 하게 만드나요? Personally, I strongly disagree that they should animals should be used for more than just food andclothes. >> 무슨 말인가요? For one thing, many people nurture a variety of pets nowadays. unconventional Wild animals such as snakes may be included just for the fashionable pet, however >> however는 부사입니다 두 문장을 잇는 역할을 못 합니다 animals like trained dogs do support senile or disabled people. For instance, my grandfather always bring his dog with him due to his purblindness. The trained dog not only informed ofsignal light but also help to guide the right alleyway, >> so 앞에 콤마 넣어주세요 so it makes sure that mygrandfather goes home safely. Furthermore, animals are living organism which possess have feelings. Of course, some people might say that there’s’ no verbalcommunication so,>> 콤마는 so 앞에 들어갑니다 it may be difficult to comprehend the meaning. But >> 문두에 but also so and or 는 들어가지 않습니다 one an NAVER article >>영국에 사는 사람이 NAVER는 절대 알지 못합니다 뭔지 써줘야 합니다 하물며 전세계 사람들이 아는 Google을 쓰더라도 search engine 같은 식으로 써주는 경우도 꽤 있습니다 illustrated that animals are not be able to respond to the people’s words however, >> 앞에서 말씀 드렸습니다 they may understand the behavior or the mood of people do actappropriately.>> 네이버 기사가 그렇단건 전혀 객관적인게 아닙니다 제대로 증명이 되지도 않는 증거입니다 according to study 와 같은 맥락입니다 In this sense point, animals may help to build emotional bond. In conclusion, animals may provide lucrative profits for the business for the short term >>?? 그 짧은 기간? 어떤 기간이죠 by providing in a way of food and clothes>> but 이나 so 앞엔 콤마가 붙습니다 but whenwe ponder about the bilateral, animals may be advantageous.>> 결론 전체가 한 문장이네요 굉장히 안 좋은 것입니다 계속 이어지는 문장은 오히려 혼란만 초래하고 지루하게 만듭니다
이정도면 몇점인지 평가도좀 해주세요... 감사합니다... -------------------------------- 아래에 쓴 글에서 말씀 드린 것처럼 아직 Task2 를 작성하기엔 부족한 점이 많습니다 이미 코멘트를 드려서 최대한 첨삭을 봐드리려고 했는데 볼수록 오류가 더 많아지네요 콤마, 단어의 적합성, 문장의 명확성, 기본 문법 모두가 지켜지지 않는 모습이 보여집니다 Task1 써주세요 Task1 쓰기 전에도 우선 단어 문법 공부하시는게 필수라고 봅니다 특히 문법이요
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 4 5.0 예상합니다
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