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When it comes to zoos, there are growing debates over whether keeping animals in limited spaces is incorrect or if zoos play an important role in many aspects. Although some there are insists that caging animals in some space is inevitable, I insist that people human should consider the animals' right.
Nevertheless, some people argue that zoo animals are essential for education and conservation of the endangered species. First of all, they say that animals in zoos can be a good source of education for of children. This is because young people tend to have more interests when they see animals in reality than when they learn through textbooks. In addition, zoos are important for wildlife conservation, especially for animals in danger of extinction such as tigers and pandas. Through studying about these animals behaviours and habits, it can be an effective way to protect endangered wildlife.
(글쓴이의 관점은 먼저 이 문단의 관점의 서술하신 후에 써주시는게 좋습니다. 자칫 잘못하다가 두 관점중에 하나를 서술해주시는게 아니라 그저 글쓴이의 관점을서술이 되는 경우가 될 수 있습니다.)>However, I confidently insist that people should not ignore the pains that animals in zoos have suffered in small cages. A significant number of wild animals are losing their natural habits such as hunting for preys or protecting their babies. Forgetting these instincts means that they any more cannot live as wild animals anymore and should rely on humans until they die. Also, it is true that humans have no right to use animals for entertainment or financial profits. It is really unethical to use other lives as means of earning money.(need better cohesion) It is necessary to consider about the rights of animals that are kept in zoos.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments about if keeping lives in zoos is the right thing, but I am convinced that human beings have to lead ethical lives as well as rethink about zoos to protect animals' their natural instinct.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정 위주로 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |