Nowadays, the environmental problem is one of the most significant issues in the world. There are debates about whether the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plans and animals or others.
On the one hand, the loss of particular species of plants and animals is the most important problem because, if particular animals are is extinct, it leads to a break in the food chains that helps to remain maintain the ecosystem. For example, an eagle is a natural enemy to a bullfrog. However, eagles were endangered in Korea. Therefore, the number of bullfrogs increased dramatically so, it ate all of the creatures living in the riverside. Consequently, growth of the number of bullfrogs a confusion makes confusing in the ecosystem and brought damages to farmers.
On the other hand, others say that the global warming is the main problem because, it leads to an increase in the average temperature and damages to people directly. Many countries' weather is are changing such as tropical climate due to the global warming and it caused islands to sink. For instance, the Maldives is endangered to sink in the ocean due to increasing sea level. Because of global warming, glaciers are melting in the North Pole. Therefore, the sea level is rising gradually. It damage to lots of island especially, many researchers predict Maldives will sing a few decades later. It damages a significant part of the island and especially, many researchers predict that Maldives will sink~~
To sum up, extinction of particular species of plants and animals is the environmental problem in the world. However, I firmly believe that the global warming could effect many part of our lives. Therefore, it is the most significant environmental problem of our time.
총평: (7/6/6/5) 6.0
내용은 잘 갖춰주셨습니다. 특히 예시 구성을 실제 있는 좋은 내용으로 채워주셨네요. 단, 이에 비해 문법은 많이 불안한 편입니다. 어쩔 수 없는 사항인 관사는 제외하고 보더라도, 오류가 많으며 문장 구조 (본론 두 문단의 첫 문장의 유사성 등) 도 단조롭기 때문에 이와 관련해서는 꾸준한 학습이 필요하겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)