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People have different opinions on the rapid growth of air travel. Regarding this, some people >> some만 쓴다면 일부라는 뜻이 되는데 처음부터 막연할 수 있으니 people 까지 써주세요 argue that rich people are only ones benefiting 우선 스펠링 오류도 있었구요 적절치 않습니다 reaping 이라고 해주세요 from air travel and that . On the other hand, the majority of people cannot enjoy its advantages. However Therefore, I stronly believe that air travel is a means of transportation, which is easily enjoyed easily by the majority due to with the affordable prices and various special offers.
First of all, air travel is becoming accessible to the majority of the people with affordable prices because of highly complex market competition. There are hundreds of companies providing air travel service,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and the competition among the companies has resulted in air travel fare at very affordable rates. For example, Busan Airline was one one the newly arising air travel companies the one, which is a rising company in Korea several years ago.>> Busan Airline이 어느 나라 것인지 감독관들이 과연 알까요? 꼭 설명해주셔야 합니다 in Korea라고 In order to compete with other major airlines, the founder of the Busan Airline offered air travel at very low, affordable rates. >> 결과를 말하기 전 문장을 끊어주시는게 좋습니다 and Finally, the promotion succeeded in winning the race with the interests of their consumers. As the example illustrates, the majority of people can enjoy flying flight thanks to >> due to는 부정적인 이유의 ~때문에의 뜻으로 쓰입니다 the low prices created by the market competiton.
Futhermore, many companies are now offering special offers. >> 주장과 뒷받침하는 문장을 같은 문장 내에 연결하는 것은 좋지 않습니다 and many airline companies have been giving away providing free or very cheap tickets in several special events. For example, Korean Airlines offers the consumers chances to gain and use mileage points when customers traveling. The mileage points can later be used to receive flying tickets at little or no cost later, >> 콤마 없애주세요 or offer an upgrades of the class of seats. It is obvious that these special offers have been providing people with the opportunity to enjoy flying, which allows the increasing number of people to take the advantage of air travel.
In conclusion, air travel is provided not only for the few, but also for the majority as market competition and special offers have given the consumers the chance to enjoy air travel. The current trend may lead to cheaper prices and better competitive services in the future.
단어의 다양성이 굉장히 아쉽습니다 같은 단어만 계속 쓰이네요 문법에서도 몇몇 부정확하고 어색한 부분들이 보였구요 첫번째 본론은 괜찮았지만 두번째 보론은 뭔가 부족한 느낌이 듭니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다 |