▶ Your Answer : Today, no one would deny the impact of job satisfaction on people working, making is one of the most important considerations to make lives more well-being and happier. However, it is sometimes difficult to be satisfied with their jobs in the real life. In this essay, I will discuss some factors of job satisfaction and demonstrate appropriate reasons. To begin with, recently, people who work for their companies consider that the best thing to require is high salary. >>사람들은 salary를 염두해 둔다고 주장을 작성한 후에 그 다음 좀 더 자세한 설명은 설명 부분에서 언급해주는게 좋습니다 It is clear that a high standard payment gives them motivations to work for a long time, though the job is rough or 3D environment(Dirty, Dangerous, and Difficult). For example, most engineers who have on-call system everyday are paid a plenty of money as much as they work hard, and do not quit their working because of the high satisfaction at working >> by what? 확실하게 써주세요. On the other hand, to be more extended, the relationship with business colleagues might be an essential cause for standing their job. A number of people who do not have good relationships with colleagues such as boss, senior, and even other staffs of different departments staff would stop it>>?? faster than other people who have broadly good connections >> 무슨 커넥션이죠? with their colleagues?. If they have enough connections in workplace, they can avoid the situation to be stressed out stress >> 뒤에 콤마 없애주세요, by talking to and helping each other. However, even though there are some diverse factors to cause of keeping their job, it is virtually hard to happen these cases>>??. Actually, many people suffered from some stressful situations like such as lower salaries and conflictions with colleagues in the competitive work and a boundary one another. In conclusion, there are the leads of high salary and good relationships to give job satisfaction to working people, but this is impossible for all of human beings workers. On the other side, this is gradually needed gradually to dispense >>dispense what? to the rest of people step by step.
아직도 좀 어색한 문장들이 많이 남아있지만 전에 쓰던 task2들에 비해선 조금은 나아진 형태네요 그치만 여전히 task2를 진행하기엔 어려움이 있습니다 task1에서도 지적 사항이 많았으니 그 부분들 고치고 task2 쓰면 훨씬 나아질거라 봅니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |