In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?
Sedack
In modern society, many people prefer a solitary life, or at least live in prefer solitary live or living in small family units to avoid responsibility of caring family members or because of the busy life. While some people think this trend have a positive impacts, I personally believe the negative effects are more.
First of all, nowadays, the number of elderly who are suffer from isolation has been increasing, hence it is a significant social problem that has to be solved as soon as possible. However, the main cause of this issue is the tendency that people like to live in a nuclear family because, most parents are too busy to take care of their baby or work, so there is no time to care their parents and living together is uncomfortable. If this trend will continue, the boundary between younger and older people will be more clear with the gap of understanding.
Moreover, with the increase of people who live living alone, the number of older members of society is rising as well. The trend of younger people's solitary life also means that the decrease in the rate of marriage. That is, the rate of birth has been decreasing together. Therefore, it is predicted that there will be no new man power in the near future. If this situation is happened, there will be no one who could lead the society, hence it is one of the biggest problem.
In conclusion, it is clear that the trend people in cities live alone or in small family units has several disadvantages like the isolation of elderly, and the increasing in rate of older people.
쓰다보니까 또 people in cities라는 점을 까먹고 썼는데... 영향이 클까요... 크겠죠?
총평: (6/6/7/6) 6.5
'크다' 의 기준이 되게 상대적인 거라...일단 말씀해주신 부분은 TR에 해당하는 사항이긴 한데, 그게 잘 반영되었다고 하더라도 현재 글이 7점으로 올라갈 확률은 그렇게 높을 것 같지는 않아보입니다. 하지만 만약에 CC/GRA 중 하나가 7점이었다면, 이때 TR까지 7점으로 올랐을 경우 총점 역시 7점으로 됐겠죠.
이번 글도 바로 전 글과는 비슷한 문제를 가지고 있는데, 문장들 자체는 깔끔한 편이나, 간혹 보이는 자잘한 실수가 누적되어서 이게 GRA에서의 감점으로 이어졌습니다. 이 부분만 잘 해결되면 충분히 문법에서도 7점 이상을 바라볼 수 있을 정도로 예전에 비해 많이 매끄러워졌으니까, 이제는 정확성을 다지는데에 조금 더 집중해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)