▶ Your Answer :
Education is an important part of
human’s life, therefore all of those who are obliged to learn skills that can
enhance their abilities to live a better life. <(sentence fragment/incomplete sentence) <Need to coherence> I completely agree that most
institutions of education spend time to focus on teaching facts rather than
educationally practical skills.
It is true that the education
system in my country is may differ from other western culture based countries. They
only concentrate on how to gain knowledge as much as they can as many a lot of
institutions consider obtaining much lots of theoretical information would support
future careers after students finished learning. Therefore, people study hard, learning subjects from primary schools to universities because they are told to
study hard and put many significant informations into your brain. This teaching
way is still exists in many places and it can be really harmful for learners as
they feel a great amount of stress. <(my country 라고 처음부터 소개를 해주시는 것보다는 general하게 서술을 해주시고 그 뒤에 예를 들어 글쓴이의 국가에서는 그렇다~ 라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 질문은 글쓴이의 국가가 아닌 일반적인 질문이기 때문입니다 )
Another reason why I agree that
there are not many schools and universities teaching practical skills is that
they do not consider the practical activities an are important part of learning. For
instance, academic skills are number one in my country, and no one encourages the
learning practical skills. Many parents still argue that expending of PA class
schedule, which is a part of education, is a waste of time. This situation is
natural in the society of my country. As a result, students can lose
opportunities to have experiences from learning practical sessions and they
would come across some difficulties which require multi-played tasks <(little unclear). Although,
there are many negative aspects that people can face, the education in my
country runs a way of learning facts.
To summarized, I agree that the
learning style of my country is significantly huge different from other countries’ education
system. The institution<(what institution?) dedicates to focusing on teaching theories, not prefer
teaching practical skills as it is unnecessary in their opinion they may think.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 질문에 대한 답이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 전체적으로 내용을 조금 더 summarize해주시고 specificity와 clarity에 신경을 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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