안녕하세요 에세이2입니다. 첨삭 부탁드립니다 :)
1. 목표하시는 점수, : 6.0
2. 다음 시험 예정 날짜, : 18th Jan
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5. 기타 현재 상황
It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is a common belief that children should be raised in a big city rather than the countryside. because in a big city is everything they need is relatively close by and there is a lack of medical and education facilities in a rural area. However, I firmly believe that growing up in the countryside is more advantageous to youth for both emotional and physical aspects. The advantages of growing up in the countryside is twofold, firstly it can develop children's emotional and physical growth more efficiently and secondly, the countryside is a safer place for them to grow up indeed.
To begin with, growing up in the countryside can have a positive effect on personality development and physical growth of juvenile. For instance, living in a rural area can have many advantages in terms of building a strong character for children as rural areas allow for a close connection with natural which is impossible in a crowded urban area. According to a recent survey, the most effective way to develop children mentally as well as physically is encouraging them to do more outdoor activities and listen to the from the nature. This study proves a strong evidence that growing up in the countryside can have a positive effect on children.
On top of that it offers youngster to have a safer place relatively than a big city. Many rural areas have not been developed compared to big cities such as Seoul and New York. It means that the air and water quality in the countryside is significantly clearer and uncontaminated. For example, yellow dust phenomenon in Seoul, the capital city of Korea has been a big issue for more than a decade. It affects on children’s health directly because children are relatively vulnerable to polluted environment and their immune system is weaker than adults.
According to a recent survey, a child who grew up in a big city tends to be allergic to many things compared to a child who was raised in the countryside.
To sum up, living in the countryside is highly instructive and advantageous for children to develop both emotional and physical aspects and enable them to live in a safer place relatively than a big city. For these reasons, it is clear that growing up in the countryside is more beneficial to youth rather than living in a crowded urban area.
감사합니다 :)