With the rise in popularity of the internet or smart phones, newpaper will soon become a thing of the past. Do you agree or disagree?
In former times, most people have gained information and news through newspapers. So it can be said that newspapers have always been around us (문장을 and but so 로 시작하는 것은 좋지 않긴 한데, 지금은 그게 중요한 게 아니므로 일단 참고만 해주세요~) So it is always around for our. Howeve (파란 단어들은 철자 오류가 있는 단어들입니다. 꼭 정확한 철자를 익혀주세요!), newspapers are is becoming out of date, due to the development of information and communication because of information and communications developing. So, I think the newspaper would be eliminated according to the growth of the Internet Internet grows more and more
To begin with, currently, most people use their smartphon to seach for information and watch some news anytime, anywhere.
For instance, there is not a newspaper at street vandor stands, but when I was young, I often saw it at there but now I cam never see it. If people want to read a newspaper, they have to call the press directly and ask for a delivery. want to watch
the newspaper, it have to a call directly and ask for delivery
In addition, smartphon is become an dispensable becoming an indispensable object, It it is not only in everyday life but also in work. For example, most people usually use their smartphone do to a variety of things besides shopping, banking, gaming, studying. Also they use it to not only make a call but also to text messages, send emails, view and write documents are not only calling and text massage but also email and document viewing and writing
According to a reseache, modern people feel sense of insecurity when disappear smartphone dissappear from their hands. As such, this has a huge impact on our lives.
To sum up, We we are already seeing news and searching for information on the smartphone. Therefore, there is no cause to look at paper newspapers.
For these reason, I certenly believe that the newspaper would be disappeared soon.
총평: (5/4/5/4) 4.5
지금 당장만 놓고 보면 개선 사항이 꽤 많은 편입니다. 일단 문단 구분은 딱 세 번만, 엔터 키를 두 번 쳐서 해주시면 되고, 나머지 경우는 그냥 스페이스로 쭉 이어주시면 됩니다. 다른 수험생분들이 어떻게 하시는지 보시면 금방 감이 잡히실 거에요.
+문법, 철자 등에서 오류가 많습니다. 문법의 경우는 단기간에 해결되지 않으니까, 지금부터 꾸준히 천천히 라이팅 공부와 병행해주시되, 철자는 조금만 신경쓰면 확실히 잡을 수 있고, 글 전반적인 인상이 확 달라지니까 이걸 먼저 잡아주세요! 그 뒤에 내용상 수정사항 등 천천히 말씀드리겠습니다. 다음 글에는 가급적이면 목표 점수랑 시험 날짜 등 전반적인 정보도 같이 알려주시면 제가 더 수월하게 도와드릴 수 있을 거에요. 수고하셨습니다 :)