▶ Your Answer : It is true that there have been great advances in occupation fields and they have been assorted in a million of kinds in modern times. Due to rapid development of societies, a number of careers disappeared in the past, whereas various new jobs have been growing up >> grow up은 사람의 성장에 대해서만 쓰입니다. However, we know that employees are suffering from serious stress and they have to work longer than before. In this essay, I would like to write the reason for hands' workers' pressure and how heads to support them.
First of all, modern systems have been changed more complicated and larger and it ,which causes fierce competitions between workers. In order to achieve victories from intense contests, employees need to be smarter and spend more time on improving themselves. For instance, we are able to easily find easily people who attend college or university for many different reasons like such as 가 더 좋습니다 career preperations and increased broad knowledge.
The second reason for working pressure is from out of work >> ??. Modern societies want each individual to have many fuctions abilities. I would be a city worker in day time >> 한 단어입니다 붙여주세요 and become a mom and wife at night.>> I would work in daytime and be a housekeeper at night Each job requires perfect performances and it is impossible to complete diverse tasks at one time. When they fail one side and it is obvious that it makes them to be more streessful. >> 집에서 엄마와 부인으로 사는 것과 낮에 회사에서 일하는 것에서 현대 사회가 많은 능력을 요구하는 것과 직접적인 상관관계가 모두에게 납득이 갈 만한 이유인지에 대해 약간 의구심이 듭니다 많은 능력을 요한다에선 2개국어 혹은 일처리 능력 등의 직접적인 능력이 더욱 어울린다고 생각합니다
What can employers to assist employees? In my opinion, creating comfortable and attensive >> 없는 단어입니다 work places is the most essential factors. The more hands workers >> hands 는 약간 일손? 그런 느낌입니다 are able to concentrate, the more heads are going to meet high efficiencies>> hands heads 무슨 말인지 어떻게 쓰인건지 잘 모르겠네요. Especially, children care centers are common in some companies. Working mom and dad Double-income households do not have to be concerned about their kids, >> while 앞 콤마 넣어주세요 while they are working.
The other effective way is that a boss would produce friendly atmospheres. The oppressive relationships in a working place do not let employees focus on tasks. To make better place to work, the roles of employers are necessary.
In conclusion, I feel that it is most likely that we can avoid stress from working. Otherwise, we should try to cooperate with a boss and workers to make better environments, which can be less stressful and working time would be shorter.
논리에 고개를 갸우뚱하게 됩니다 보스와 직원들 간의 분위기가 좋다면 업무 시간이 줄어들까요? 다른 부분들은 위에서 언급 해드렸구요 본인의 생각을 확실하게 전달하신다면 괜찮지만 현재 글은 주장을 보충하시기에 근거나 보충하는 살들이 너무 적습니다 단어의 스펠링 오류도 많고 단어 사용도 부적절한 곳이 있어 이해하기에 힘든 부분들이 있었습니다 문법도 콤마나 would will 등의 조동사의 차이들도 숙지하시면 좋겠습니다 단복수형도 잘 따져주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.0 예상합니다 |