In modern society, water is one of the most
important nature sources resources in people’s daily life. However, many countries have
water shortage lack problems because of climate change. I believe the main
reason for this is due to the environmental problems. This essay will discuss the
reasons of water shortage problems and suggest solutions.
First of all, the most serious reason for water shortage is the environmental problem, especially
global warming. Since 1990s, many lots of companies have been building factories in
many countries and they are always centered on developments to become a huge,
famous company. They built many a lot of factories in undeveloped countries and
discharged the filthy water even though they it would destroy destroyed the ecosystem.
Destruction of nature made led to a climatic change and it caused the drought and the
scarcity of water. Secondly, with developing techniques of medical treatment,
people’s life expectancy is getting longer and the increase in increasing of population is another reason
of for water insufficiency. The world proportion(지도의 지리를 이야기 하고 계십니다) is rising, furthermore, the use of
water is also increasing.
To solve the water problem, people have to focus on protecting the environment. Governments have to set up measures to prepare for
the drought such as building reservoirs, and dams or making water purification centres. Some people say that a reservoir or dam can caused environment pollution, however, it can be
recreation facilities or nature learning park that cause pollution instead. Additionally, saving water
campaign will help to solve the problem. People can use less water when they
take a shower or use less detergent when they are doing the laundry. Individual
effort is the most important thing factor to save water.
Overall, although development of our society has had a positive impact on our
life, it has brought environmental problems, especially water insufficiency. Consequently,
if governments and people are be careful to our developing nature and using water
respectively, the lack of water resource will getting better gradually.
Score: 6
Comment: Singular/plural agreement랑 tense 형태를 많이 틀리십니다. Incomplete 한 아이디어, phrase, clause도 있으십니다. 글을 쓰신후 한번 쭉 읽어 보시면 도움이 되실거같습니다. 다른 글도 많이 읽어 보시는게 도움이 될겁니다. Solution을 problem들이랑 연관을 지으면서 쓰시면 더 좋을것 같습니다. 예를들어 detergent를 덜 쓰시라고 하셨는데 그 이유는 detergent를 많이 사용할수록 물이 오염이 된다 라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. Informal 한 표현들도 아직 쓰고 계십니다 (lots of, a lot of).