▶ Your Answer : No one would deny that the impact of graduating university on most students nowadays. However, how to acquire the degree is divided into two distinct sides of opinions, in their own country or abroad a foreign one. In this essay, I will demonstrate diverse merits standing on the two groups views and will approve to studying abroad following with appropriate reasons. To begin with, some people insist that studying in overseas can be wasted could waste their money and time. In order to graduate other countries' colleges, students are needed to pay tuition fees to their school too much and ought to prepare to enter into >> entre into 는 ~에 종사하다 시작하다라는 의미입니다 it as they spend , with spending their precious time. For example, the amount of university's fee is about 25,000 to 35,000 dollars per year in most countries for international students,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and also the foreigners are required to other more complicated documents such as what ?. On the other hand, it may be true in some extend, but there are may merits of university of other countries,>> 콤마 빼주세요 better than expensive expenditure. Firstly, they international students can undergo another culture and language, staying in different places in the strange place at the same time. More and more experiences makes them considerate and creative in a lot of situations such as different meals, manners, nationalities, lifestyles, >> 3개 이상 항목에서 콤마 넣어주세요 and even especially direction of traffic whether it is on left or right side>>??. >> 예시라고 할 만한 문장이 없고 예시라면 for example for instance 등으로 확실하게 표현해주셔야 합니다 What is more, high-developed country's system provides them the knowledge of their major parts. Recently, many people usually have a business trip abroad to receive improve their better skills. In the same way, an early experience of people in learning abroad who they received knowledge improves their abilities for their own countries >> in that what ??. >> 이 부분 지워도 243자입니다 바로 위 본문에 예시가 있다면 250자가 충분히 넘었겠죠 이 부분은 필요 없습니다 In conclusion, it>> ?? is outweighed on the advantages than disadvantages on master of degree abroad>>??. Nowadays, as it is easy to study in other nations, some young people are recommended to go out >> go overseas as much as possible>> 결론 문장으로 어색하네요 본인이 작성한 글을 정리하는 부분인데 몇몇 젊은 사람들은 나가라고 추천받는다? 이게 결론에 적합하진 않습니다.
Task1을 작성해달라고 계속 말씀드렸는데 Task2를 계속 작성하시면 계속 같은 첨삭 내용만 반복됩니다 내용이 적합하지 않고 좋지도 않습니다 현재 Task1에서도 좋지 못한 문장들을 보여주는데 100자 이상을 더 쓰는 Task2에서 번쩍하고 좋은 글이 나올 리는 만무합니다 Task1에서 기초가 다져져야 Task2를 잘 쓸 수 있으니 참고하시구요 위에서도 또 본문 형태가 제대로 세워지지 않아 부족한 문단도 있고 what is more 부분 역시 예시가 없어서 괜히 불완전한 문단 두개가 생성된 셈입니다 문법 공부를 더 해보시는게 좋겠습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |