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In daily routine, people are encountered sheer >> 이 부분엔 어울리지 않는 듯 싶습니다 volume of advertisements through advertising media such as television, radio and billboards. However, some people argue that power of advert >> 아카데믹에서 쓸 단어로 적합하지 않습니다 advertisement를 쓰신 것 맞죠? brings about needless consumption. In my opinion, advertisements could provide the key to boost not only the consumption but also the economy as long as the advert 위와 같습니다 would not include some lies. Of course, majority of advert >> 복수가 와야합니다 are undoubtedly exaggerated and even, sometimes, false or deceptive. In other words, manufacturers or some productive companies attempt to harness those advertisements to let people know. and Moreover, they >> 문장이 길어 나눴습니다 even delude their minds to spend money for the goods. For example, once some advert of skincare serum helping people to remove pimples and wrinkles spread out come out >> 동사가 없네요 once 를 접속사로 쓴다면 완전한 절이 와야합니다, consumption of the product was remarkably promoted remarkably. However, pimples and wrinkles were not clearly removed clearly. >> 완전한 문장이 두개가 올 수 없습니다 It means that not only the advert added exaggerated facts>> 가운데 - 빼줍니다 , which boost the sales of the product, but also consumers were deceived and feel unsatisfactory.>> 어떤 이야기를 통해 말하는 것이 아닌 뾰루지와 주름은 제거되지 않았다 어디서 근거해서 온 얘기인가요? 그런 얘기를 했다면 동사는 과거가 아닌 일반적으로 서술하는 식인 현재가 와야합니다 However, from my perspective, people are no longer foolish as much as they were before, noticing the exaggerated part of adverts and controlling their desire of consumption. Specifically, people take money out of their wallets not because of those fooling adverts but their needs of products. Furthermore, adverts are merely one of the greatest measures that consumers can be informed as to wide range of new good products by manufacturers. Providing those products are displayed in only certain shops, people would not be able to gain an opportunity to choose among a variety of products, whatever they want to buy. To conclude, there are many kinds of advertisements around us, and some of those sometimes adverts lead to unnecessary consumption. However, adverts not only give people opportunities to experience diverse products but also accelerate economy based on activated consumption. 우선 결론에 대해서 경제적인 관점에서 말씀을 드리자면 이런 상황이 지속된다면 경기가 오히려 좋아지지 않는다고 봅니다 단기간 내엔 화폐 공급이 활발해지겠지만 쓸모없는 소비에는 분명한 후폭풍이 불죠 논리적으로 적절치 않다고 봅니다 또한 그래머의 오류가 굉장히 많습니다 다들 봐주시기 바랍니다 advert 란 단어도 너무 많이 사용하시네요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |