Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
It is commonly seen that children spend tremendously spend their time to
watching television. Some people said say that other tools such as books more help
them than television as a method of education. I strongly disagree with this opinion as I
think that television enough can act as/be an effective learning material.
First of
all, television is useful for learning. In the past, television was just a means of providing means just
material that provide information by broadcasting news but a lot of companies
and institutions made and offered make and offer a various programs that people of different age, gender and interests all enjoyed all kind of people like
age, gender and interests enjoyable. Along with this trend, viwers have also become able to
access many educational and informative channels easily. It is possible to
study several fields because of aims that enterprises’ aim that target
people who desire to learn or work on manifold. (마지막 문장은 댓글 주세요~)
Secondly,
it (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상을 대명사로 서술해서는 안 됩니다.) eventually helps to develop sense of children. Unlike most books that are (나중에 시간이 나시면, 꼭 most 와 almost 의 차이를 정리해서 명확히 익혀주세요.) almost books that is
stationary, the form of television is full with a number of visual effects like
video, computer graphics and so on. Trough this effect, young people who are
exposed to visual effects trough a television can to be a considerable active
their parts of brain (여기도 댓글 주세요!) because these reactions stimulate it. Thus, they could be
more an imaginative people. Moreover, channels of television also have auditary
effects that help It make to improve their ability of imagine such as animals’ sound and so on because
of similar action with visual effect.
In
conclusion, television could give a positive effect to people who utilize
television as a learning material. (전혀 요구된 바가 없는 제언을 하지 마시고, 본론에 있는 근거를 요약해주세요.) Thus, governments had to attention to
television programmes.
총평: (6/6/5/5) 5.5
맨 마지막 문장만 아니었어도 TR은 7점으로 갈 수 있었을 겁니다. 그래서 더더욱 아쉽네요. 글을 작성할 때, 특히 결론을 작성할 때 철저히 논제가 시키는 것만 해주시고, 지금처럼 요구된 사항이 아닌데 쓰는 것은 피해주셔야 합니다.
그리고 다시금 철자 문제가 드러나고 있는데, 이쪽도 확인해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)
총 글자수:250자
총 소요시간:47분
1월 6일자에 쓴 task2의 2개 글에 댓글로 질문 남겼습니다! 확인해주세요 :)
감사합니다!
네 지현님 확인하고 답변 드리겠습니다 :)