In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many people assert that the new construction of railways for extremely fast trains railway should be spent lots of money. However, there are other people who disagree and think that to spend money on improving existing public transport is more important.
To begin with, it is true that a large number of people spend so busy days on the 21st century. Even if they are in a hurry to prepare to go to their workplaces, they always have tight schedules since there are so heavy traffic jams. However, if there is an addition of faster trains railways for faster trains, they would not have to spend a can have no more stressful daily life. For instance, they are going to feel more relaxed when eating time to eat breakfast or lunch because they do not need to (여기 동사가 하나 들어가야 합니다.) through the hasty schedules anymore and they can arrive at their home faster than now after this construction.
Nevertheless, the reason why the money should be spent on upgrading public transport existing now is because it is more efficient for people. In fact, some of the broken transports are positioned at many places that are all workers using for going to their job. Furthermore, if the transports keep the same conditions and maintain those broken parts without any repairments fixing, it is able to create a crucial accident to many people who use these transports. Lastly, supporting to improve existing transportation is easier to progress the program than building a new railway. (이에 대한 부연설명이 없으면 그냥 빼셔야 합니다. 지금처럼 부연설명 없이 문장만 달랑 적는 것보다는, 차라리 안 적는 게 나아요.)
In conclusion, I believe that the two opinions have different advantages such as one thing among them helps people spend more relaxed time to have a tough life and the other things can prevent some traffic accidents easier happening one day (뭐가 뭐에 해당하는지를 정확히 적어주셔야 합니다.), respectively. Thus, I think it is quite hard to choose one but I could say the last opinion should be supported more for safety.
....으아아아앙러ㅏ어ㅣ날. 이번주 토요일 이라구요오!!!!! ㅠㅠ
파이팅입니다 :)
총평: (6/7/6/5) 6.0
task 2가 6.5, task 1이 6.0이었으면 웬만하면 총점도 6.5로 나오는 반면, 지금처럼 반대의 경우는 6.0으로 떨어질 확률이 더 높아서, 지금 글과 바로 전 글의 점수가 뒤바뀌었으면 좋았을 것 같네요.
파란 부분처럼 '아 일단 그런데 나도 잘은 모르겠다.' 식의 문장은 절대 금물이니까 주의해주시고, 항상 근거 부여가 핵심이 됩니다. 그걸 염두에 두고 시험장에서 작성해주세요!
시험 잘 치르시고, 냉정하게 보면 7.0은 이번 시험에서는 어려워보이는데 (만약에 7.0을 받으시면 그건 제가 잘 첨삭해서 그런 게 아니라, mm님이 잘하셔서 그런 겁니다.), 6.5나 6.0을 받으실 경우 이전 글에서도 말씀드렸듯이 진지하게 한번 개인 수업 등을 통한 앞으로의 공부방법에 대해 고찰해보셔야 할 것 같아요! 수고하셨습니다 :)