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The given pie charts >> 문제에 제시된 대로 pie chart 라고 하는 것은 좋지 않습니다 pie graphs 혹은 the given four graphs정도라고 해주는 것이 좋습니다 below indicate the results of a survey of respondents’ favourite feature out of design, shops and restaurants of a new shipping centre in London, New York, Seoul and Tokyo as of the year 2008. Overall, the new complex’s design was the most favoured in London, >> while 등의 접속사 앞에는 콤마를 붙여주시기 바랍니다while its shops were best-received in Tokyo.
To begin with, the new shopping centre’s design was considered the best in London, representing 54 percent which was more than double the proportion of the same feature with 20 percent in New York. The complex’s design in Seoul accounted for 30 percent of which exactly one third was taken up in Tokyo.
As for the complex’s restaurants, Seoul had the most favoured support with 34 percent, followed by New York, Tokyo, and London, representing 32%, 27%, and 22%, respectively.
Moving on to the shopping centre’s shops, it topped the list in Tokyo with 63% followed by New York, with 48%. While its design in New York and Tokyo had an overwhelming support from the respondents, it was relatively less favoured in London and Seoul, accounting for 24% and 36% respectively.
Finally, three main features of the new complex in Seoul had a >> support를 위해 a를 썼습니다 relatively equal support, comparing>> compared의 형태는 쓰이지 않습니다 comparing이라고 해주시구요 앞에 콤마 붙이셔야합니다to the rest major cities, >> 전치사가 나오므로 콤마가 필요합니다 according to the given pie charts.
전체적인 맥락이 좋습니다 하지만 약간 비슷한 구조가 반복되네요 두 세번째 문단에서요 또한 Task1 의 문단은 3개면 충분한 구조가 됩니다 4개는 에세이부터가 적당하구요 결론에는 전체를 포괄하는 내용을 써주셨으면 좋겠습니다 첫 서론에서도 위에 표시해드린 부분 보시길 바랍니다 centre 의 반복이 많으니 mall 등으로 대체적인 단어 혹은 대명사를 생각해서 써주세요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resources - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5 예상합니다 |