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The bar >> 첫 시작에 단 하나라도 겹치지 않게 써주세요 bar chart 라면 그냥 graph처럼요 graph illustrates the time spent by British residents on three different sorts of telephone calls over the period of 7 years starting from the year of 1995 to 2002.
At first glance, local fixed line calls were the highest throughout the period shown. In 1995, these calls were the most popular one with more than 70 billion minutes, while another the other fixed line calls and mobiles were used for just around 40 billion and under 10 billion minutes respectively. However, after reaching a peak at approximately 90 billion in 1999, the time spent in local calls had fallen back to the 1995 figure of 1995 by 2002.
On the other hand, national and international calls generally became generally more and more>> more and more도 맞지만 increasingly 가 더욱 좋은 표현입니다 popular to around 60 billion minutes at end of the period in question given years, though the growth slowed over the last two years. The amount of time used on mobiles also increased rapidly and reached about 40 billion in the year of 2002. This rise was particularly noticeable between 1999 and 2002, during which time, >> 콤마 빼주세요 the use of mobile phones them tripled were more or less quadrupled.
To sum up, although local calls were still most popular in 2002, the gap between the three categories had became considerably narrowed considerably over the second half of the period in question. (180)
조언해주신대로 비교하는 표현을 공부해서 다시 써보았습니다! 길이도 줄여보았는데 너무 정보를 많이 줄인건 아닐지 걱정입니다 ㅠ
the total number of minutes 대신 사용할수 있는 좋은 표현을 알려주셔서 감사합니다!
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정보는 충분합니다 잘 쓰신 듯 싶습니다 표현도 다양한게 좋네요 다만 부사가 동사 뒤에서 수식하는 것 정도를 숙지하고 계시면 더욱 좋겠습니다 간결하게 표현하실 부분들 잘 표현해주셨습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
7.0 예상합니다 |