▶ Your Answer :
These days, our technology has improved. For example, The internet, transportation, medical products, and so on. I think especially, thanks to the advanced the Internet, many people can interact with each other much easier than the past. By using Social Network Service(SNS) like the twitter, or face book, I can share my opinion to not only Koreans but also other foreigners. However, there are also drawbacks. For example, lots of many/numerous juveniles are addicted to surfing the Internet and then they are unwilling to meet up friends on in the real world.
To be specific, as technology continues to advance, most people afford to interact with each others. In the past, people needed to send a letter or to meet up in person to make conversation while, in this developed society, people can communicate with other people including those who are living far away through a telephone, or the Internet. Therefore, it is quite evident that the comfortable aspect, which is provided by high technology, has made the people's interaction more efficient and simple.
On the other hand, as I said, there are some disadvantages. Paradoxically, these convenient side also makes people lazy. Since most people are able to keep in touch with others, they tend to not to go outside, thereby giving themselves up for the valuable opportunities to join<(?) face to face. This is a regrettable situation because meeting face to face is much efficient to maintain a relationship well with by sharing emotions. Additionally, I personally believe that having dinner with whole/entire family members improve the sense of belonging. However, many young people watch their smart phone, or a TV show while eating food with family. Therefore, it may be safe to say that some modern devices prevent family members from talking to each other.
To sum up, even though there are both positive and negative aspects of advanced technology, I think that the advantages produced by technology outweigh the disadvantages of those. <(why? Need to elaborate)
Score:6 Comment: 글쓴이의 생각이 잘 전달되고 있고 아이디어도 좋은 것 같습니다. 조금더 내용을 다듬으시면 더 좋은 글이 될 수 있을 것 같습니다. 또한 conclusion 를 한 문장 보다는 3~4문장으로 전체 내용이나 글쓴이의 주장에 대한 결론을 지으면서 써주시는게 좋습니다. 문법상 전치사 쪽에 조금 부족 하신것 같습니다. |
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