▶ Your Answer : These days, there are some people who think theoretical knowledge is more valuable to utilize in many ways after they graduate their college and enter a firm. Others believe that college students should learn more practical knowledge than theoretical ones because they consider practical skills more useful in many work places. <연결이 안됩니다. 두가지의 관점을 제시해주셨는데 바로 ~것을 설명하겠습니다 보다는 글쓴이의 주장을 써주셔야합니다. 글쓴이의 주장 후 다음 문장이 와도 됩니다> So, in this essay, I will explain why practical skills and knowledge are more important to college students rather than learning just theoretical ones. It is apparent that employers tend to prefer people who have practical knowledge to people with just theoretical knowledge these days. (can't stand alone. 콤마로 앞문잔과 연결하셔야합니다)>Because practical skills are actually involved in all companies of works in a company. Thus, if a person who has not theoretical knowledge but practical skills and knowledge enter a firm, employers would do not have to teach how to process lots of work so hard. In addition, practical skills and knowledge are actually more useful than theoretical ones in many ways. Today, jobs that require practical skills and knowledges are increased. Almost every work needs practical skills now. It is said that experiencing once is better than learning theoretical knowledges several times. That is, people learn something more easily through experiencing rather than just learning while with sitting at a desk. In conclusion, although theoretical knowledges are highly valuable, practical knowledges and skills are more beneficial and useful when people are facing real life situations in many ways. Therefore, it is more important to teach practical skills and knowledges to students in college, rather than teaching theoretical knowledge.
Score: 7 Comment: 내용은 fair 합니다. 다만 3 문단이 아니라 4 문단으로 서술해주시면 더 좋습니다. Reader가 부족하다고 생각을 하면 패널티를 적용 할 수도 있고 위 점수 보다 낮게 나올 수도 있습니다. 내용상 knowledge는 조금 뜬금 없어 보입니다. practical skills and knowledge를 갈르키는게 좋다 보다는 그냥 practical skills라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |