Keeping dogs and cats as companions has a lot of advantages. However, it also has some disadvantages. I will explain about these traits about raising pets('about'이 계속해서 반복되고 있습니다) in this paper(보다는 >essay).

  First, I want to talk about the good things about lookng after pets especially dogs and cats. People can become an emotional person by raising pets. When people take care of their pets, they should do a lot of things like feeding and caring. These things need(보다는 >require/demand) more sensitive behavior than taking care of children because pets can not speak any language except their own language(보다는 >do not have any ablitiy to communicate just like humans do except barking and crying which are considered as animal language. Throughout(그냥 'through'입니다) these processes(위에는 어떠한 진행사항도 언급된 적이 없습니다. 적절치 못한 단어의 선택입니다. "Throught~processes"를 정정합니다> Because of this/Blame to this condition) , people are getting becoming enotional. Recently, research about relationship between pets and people insists('insist'는 주장을 밝힐때 사용하는 단어입니다. Research와 같이 객관적인 실험 및 조사가 나타내는 걸 표현할때는 적절치 못합니다) shows that people who have looked after pets have more rich stronger emotional feelings than those who do not have experience of feeding pets others have not.

  However, taking care of pets especially dogs and cats does not only have benefits. People who have one or more than one pets tend to love them(누구를 가리키는지 알 수 없습니다. 모호한 표현입니다) too much. It makes the people to be solitary.(?)>매끄럽지 않은 linking of ideas! They sometimes do not want to meet other people like friends or their mates and they even do not want to have a baby. Too much(불필요) deep attachment to their pets causes isolation of one in society. It is('is'삭제) also leads to another problem which is depression. Generally, pets(보다는 >animals) such as dogs and cats can not be alive(보다는 >live) longer than human beings. If someone who loves her/his pets too much might have(삭제) an experience(동사로써~) that is the death of their pets and they could get serious depression or other diseases because the pets that were regarded as nothing but everything/a whole(강조하는 수법입니다) in their lives have now gone. when the pets were alive

  Raising dogs and cats is sometimes good but sometimes bad. I believe that people should keep their mind not to be over emotional like giving too much love to their pets because it is possible to might make(보다는 >create/cause) big(보다는 >serious) problems in our communities. If they try to avoid getting bad characters(disadvantages) about of looking after their pets, they could be more emotional people and it makes our community much better.

"big(보다는 >serious) problems in our communities"> 이부분 말인데요,

우리의 communities에 어떤 심각한 또는 큰 문제들이 생기는지 구체적으로

언급해 주셔야 합니다. 게다가 앞 문단에서는 개인적인 차원에서만 다루다가

갑자기 "애완동물을 기르는데 우리 사회에 미칠 안 좋은 영향들이 있다~"

와 같이 나오니 ideas가 논리 정연하게 배열되지 못하고 있습니다.