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Many people believe that completing a course of university education is the best way to get have a good job. It is true in certain job areas, but on the other hand, I don't>> 축약형 쓰지 말아주세요 do not believe it is true >> However, I argue doing practical work after school is more effective in having an occupation.
To begin with, it is clear that people who want to be a special expert must take certain university courses >> some professions need authentic qualification and expert skills or knowledge. >> 설명이 없네요 For instance, some jobs, which need a special certificate such as doctor, nurse, and lawyer, do not request only professional trains but also degrees proving accomplishment of university education. >> because 만 문두에 바로 나오지도 않고 because는 접속사라 주절을 하나 더 데리고 와야 합니다 한 문장으로만 쓰시고 문두에 쓰고 싶다면 It/That/This is becuase로 써주세요 It is because these kinds of jobs are necessary for taking higher education courses which are able to learn professional knowledge and train technical abilities. >> 작성하신대로라면 courses 가 전문적 지식을 배울 수 있다 라는 말이 됩니다
On the other hand, there is still a variety of jobs that graduating a university is not mandatory need only practical skills. Those who want to run their own shop or company can choose more practical experiences after school instead of going on to university. In particular For instance, in case of some jobs such as athletes, chefs, >> 세개 이상 나열 중 마지막 항목 앞에 있는 and/or 앞에 콤마를 넣어줍니다 or hair designers, special technics >> 문법이 어떻게 되나요? some jobs special technics 도 아니고 such as는 직업들의 병렬이라 성격이 맞지 않습니다 and a lot of experiences are more important than entering higher stages of their education.>> 주장은 단언적이여야 하고 예시 앞에는 확실한 표시가 필요합니다
In conlusion, it is true that university education helps people who want to wide their knowledge and support produce many opportunities for getting a good job,>> 콤마 빼고 마침표 찍어주세요 너무 깁니다 . However, in certain job areas, it is not necessary and early starting of prcatical jobs parts might be a better than going on to university.
각 문단에 첫 시작은 한 칸 들여쓰고 써주세요 문법 논리 모두가 좋지 않습니다 굉장히 간단한 문법들도 실수를 하고 그 문법들이 해석을 방해합니다 논리 전개도 주장 설명 예시 처럼 정형화된 틀이 없구요 작문도 이상하게 됐습니다 문법, 단어 공부를 더 하시고 Task1 을 작성하셔야 합니다 아직 Task2 는 무리고 글자수도 모두 채워지지 않았습니다
Task Achievement - 3 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
4.5 예상합니다 |