▶ Your Answer :
While some people believe that governments should invest an amount of money to explore the universe, others think that it is necessary to spend the money for poor people. Although preventing the future destruction of life is important, preserving all people of the earth should be a top priority.
Some people insist that spending much money to explore space is very important to prepare for the future. The study of outer space is directly our future. As many people know that the earth does not have much time left due to too much serious environmental pollution and destruction, so governments should find out a the new habitable place that replaces the earth. In addition, the outer space is the infinite source of science research. There are endless possibilities to improve our lives in the near future.
However, it is more critical to solve the current problems than preparing the future. As most people know, there is no future without the past. Nowadays, we are faced with the issues where such as people die dying of hunger. If governments spend an amount of funds for to poor people, a number of lives suffering from starvation can be saved. Furthermore, we should solve the problem of the gap between the rich and the poor. Although the exploring the universe should provide us with a beneficial future, it would create a make more bigger serious of the gap between the rich and the poor. As the result, if we do not solve this problem, all poor people would lose hope in living.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against spending as much money as possible on space exploration, but I am convinced that the funds should be directed towards people in need right now.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 내용은 fair한데 조금 더 다양한 표현을 쓰시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 I, we 같은 표현을 피해주시는게 좋습니다. 그 외에는 세번째는 두 번째 관점을 서술을 해주시는 것 보다 그저 온전히 글쓴이의 의견을 수설해주시는 것 같습니다. 관점을 먼저 서술해주신 후에 글쓴이의 의견을 반영을 해주시는게 더 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |