At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, some countries have a bigger population of young aged adults than old people. Also, one can see that it has both merits and demerits in this circumstance. However, I believe merits affect to countries more.
To begin with, one of the drawbacks is a country which has a bigger scale of young people could fall into some mistakes that their ancestors already made did before. Most of perfectly matures are able to teach the young about surviving tips in a tough life since they have been lived long and they (생략 가능합니다. 그렇게 해주시는 게 좋고요.) know that what they should be doing or not for developing their future. Furthermore, the advice from these old people can lead be led the young to the right achievement. In contrast 등 Though, if there are not enough people who can teach the young, a country composed composing of a large number of young adults could be confused regarding how to act for the future to improve for the future.
By the way However (편지에서나 쓰는 표현입니다.), there are powerful advantages in that country (무슨 국가인지 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요~). The most effective affectable good point among them is that the probability of growth would be quite high. It can be explained by an example that some countries such as South Korea and Japan which have been called the countries having little growth potential since their newborn baby rates are so low. On this point, some countries which include a relatively larger young generation compared to older ones have many chances to develop their countries because they have a large number of population in young adults who can create more new ideas and surprising findings founding more.
In conclusion, there is a drawback of little chances to get some advice from older people. Nevertheless, regard this situation such as South Korea reality and the point that young matures have more than creativity for improving their country than the old aged, I think (뭐에 대한 장단점인지를 다시 상기시켜주셔야 합니다.) advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
총평: (6/5/7/6) 6.0
다행히도 task 2 문법은 task 1만큼 어색하지는 않네요. (둘 다 6이긴 했지만, task 1 쪽은 5로 내려갈 가능성이 매우 높아보였습니다.)
outweigh 유형에서는, 말 그대로 outweigh 를 보여주셔야 하는데, 이에 대해서는 링크를 두 개 넣어드리겠습니다. 사실 지금 문법이 더 급하긴 한데, 일단은 7.0 필요하시니까 참고해보세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_writing&p=7&type=url&uid=472734undefined
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_writing&p=6&type=url&uid=472778undefined
정말 초조해지는 것 같아요 ㅠㅠ 그래도 열심히 노력하고 있어요
항상 파이팅입니다 :)