People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is a common belief that focusing on a single skill is the ideal method to maintain successful life. However, I firmly believe that humans should acquire a lot of skills as soon as possible due to the transformation change of male's and female's roles at home and dynamic environment.
To begin with, changing in the roles of men and women in doing households requires everyone to have several abilities to keep better life. Compared to the past, in order to succeed their life, a lot of females began working hard and socialising with their peers. It might mean that their husbands may have to cook food or hang out with sons or daughters once in a while. For example, women in northern Europe, including Norway, Denmark and Sweden, usually go outside to work. Thus many men ought to know how to do diverse households in order to prepare for specific situations like that their spouses go to a business trip. (바로 전 글에서 말씀드린 것과 비슷하게, 여기도 고유명사만 붙여서 앞의 말을 반복하는 것에 지나지 않습니다. 이렇게 쓸 경우 아주 많이 양보해도 6.5가 한계이고, 냉정하게 보면 6.0 정도가 최선일 거에요.)
On top of that, the whole society currently prefers to find out well-rounded employees. That's That is (줄임말 사용을 지양해주세요.) because they tend to cope with difficult tasks and the world is rapidly changing. Thus, the business environment becomes dynamic, so plenty of corporations pick up versatile workers to engage in the rapid transformation. For instance, some interviewers in multinational enterprises mainly focus on looking for competent staffs, who have a majority of knowledge and skills in more than three fields (이 필드 관련해서 뭐가 있는지를 구체화해주시면 됩니다. 그래야 위의 본론 첫 번째 문단과 같은 문제가 생기지 않아요.). Similarly, in the Major League, most baseball teams' owners deem to appoint flexible and well-rounded chairman, who deals with both baseball and statistics. (대략 이런 식으로 해주시면 됩니다. 물론 여기서 살이 더 붙는 게 좋긴 하지만요.)
To sum up, people are needed to have many abilities on account of the change in the roles of men and women in households and rapid transformation in the modern world. For these reasons, the importance of mastering multiple skills will be bigger. (301 words)
총평: (6/5/6/7) 6.0
갓파님의 경우 영작에 대한 기본기가 어느정도 있는 상황이신만큼, 앞서 말씀드린 요령만 익혀나가시면 task 2에서는 6.5-7.0도 가능합니다. 그러니까 예시에 해당하는 본론의 후반부를 작성하는데에 조금 더 신경써주시고 (일단 현재 본론 두 문단 간 차이를 파악하기 조금 어려우시면, 아예 고유명사 없이 하나의 본론을 만든다고 생각하고 작성해보세요.) 줄임말 사용은 지양해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)
비밀번호는 1234이고 항상 감사합니다.