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It is positively thought that secondary school graduated student graduates >> 졸업생이란 뜻이 있습니다
should take time for work or travelling before attending university. Many
students in Europe are doing it now and they experience plenty of things out of
school. I completely agree with this idea>> 콤마 빼주세요 and it will be proved through my
friend's and my experience some examples below.
Working or travelling in this time gives the chance, which can think
of their future >> 일과 여행이 그들의 미래를 생각하지 않습니다. Students are able to see the broad world and experience a variety of
things during this short-term holiday. My friend from Switzerland had been
travelling, and studying English in the UK for a year before she went
university >> 주로 had been ing는 막 ~가 끝났을 때를 의미하는 경우가 많습니다. All the activities in the year at that time helped her to decide her future
dream. This means that she could have worthy time to think of herself, and consider seriously
her career seriously for the future.
In addition, this experience inspires students to have a clear
object to study at university. I did not have much time to think how I should
perform as a university student before starting my course. I still regret not
taking time to build a specific plan. I believe that if I had worked or gone
abroad before entering university, I would have had >> get은 좋지 않습니다 far broader mind to study >> 콤마 빼주세요 and a detailed plan for the future.
It is obvious that there is plenty of advantages from experiencing various things after
graduating secondary school. Students could have time to think of their future>> 콤마 빼주세요
and the aim how to study. I would recommend many students to go travel or prove
their aptitude through working experiences.
오류가 꽤 많이 발견되었습니다 travel은 자체로 명사의 뜻을 보통 갖지만 영국 내에선 보통 동사로만 인식하는 경우가 굉장히 큽니다 실제로도 아이엘츠 이그제미너가 해준 말이구요 get 동사는 좋지 않으니 때에 따라서 have become gain acquire 등으로 바꿔주시길 바랍니다 문단은 최대 4개까지만 만들어주세요 future를 위한다는 말이 거의 모든 문단에 한 두번씩 언급이 있네요 반복되는 논리 좋지 않습니다 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |