■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer

▶ Topic : Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Disucuss both these views and give your own opinion.

▶ Your Answer :

It is sometimes argued that each type of crime makers were punished by fixed penalty. However, I think this to be is a very shortsighted view.

First of all, even if the results of two crimes are the same, there might certainly be certainly >> 부사는 동사 뒤로 써주는게 보통입니다 some differences, and the motivation of that crime is the most important of all.>> 우선 문장이 너무 깁니다 and 앞에서 잘라서 새로운 문장으로 만들어주시구요 of all 이 어떤 범위 내에서 all 인지가 명시되어야 합니다 Like >> like은 좋지 않습니다 구어체에 어울리구요 such as 로 써주시기 바랍니다 all kinds of human activities have a variety of reasons, so even almost crimes have different motivations to occur. If, however, there is no reason for the crime, the criminal should be needed to get the most severe punishment severly punished. But >> but also so and or 모두 문두에 좋지 않습니다 However를 써주세요 in most cases, trouble makers have individual circumstances and motivations of problems, so considering of that in the legislation makes them more open-minded to law, punishment and society. So >> 위와 동일합니다 that Therefore, it encourages prisoners to change their mind.>> 법률에 대해 고려해보는 것이 어떻게 open-minded라고 여겨지는지 모르겠습니다 충분히 설명해주셔야 합니다

Secondly, the punishment excatly rely completely on the law, and the legislation must reflect the circumstance of community. If penalties are fixed and decided only by the result of crime, that contributes to make result-centred society moods. So The legislation should be progressed on strict standards, but it must have the flexibility that the ordinary population could understand. Thus,>> 문두에 부사는 꼭 콤마가 필요합니다 proper law have just a limitation of punishment on each crimes >> each 다음 단수명사입니다, and give some flexibility to the law legislative authorities.

In conclusion, the legislation and the penalty should consider the motivation and circumstance of an individual crime. The gab between the accident by a mistake death in the CPR which is an emergency action to a heart-stop person and the murder because of the simple revenge.>> 문법적으로 주어 동사를 가진 완전한 문장도 아니며 내용 이해도 안 되고 적절치 않은 말입니다

우선은 단어도 단어지만 문법의 기본적인 틀만 잡아도 글이 괜찮아질거라고 생각되구요

글을 지금은 너무 쓰려고 하지 마시고 제가 바로 전에 task1 첨삭한 것이랑 지금 것이랑

잘 보시면서 어디가 틀렸는지 지적해드린 부분 고치시는게 급선무입니다

Task Achievement - 6
Coherence and Cohesion - 5
Lexical Resource - 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5

5.5 예상합니다