▶ Your Answer :
It is argued that tourists from overseas should pay more than local residents to visit in visiting attractions which is are culturally and historically meaningful. Personally, I am against this view.
To begin with, The argument in favour of higher prices of monuments and tourist spots for foreign visitors are set by the cost of maintenance. would be that many monuments and tourist spots depend on the government grant for maintenance. It means that local population already pays their money to support these places as a form of tax. Another reason advocators say is that it can have a positive impact on cultural and historical education for domestic people. Decreased financial burden would encourage them to visit more often these places and in turn improve their interest in history and culture of their motherland. >> 한 본문엔 하나의 의견이 주를 이뤄야 합니다 또한 주장에선 against 라고 했는데 옹호적인 글은 지워주세요 이 문단 모두 날려주세요 첫째 의견에선 어떤 측면의 유지 보수이며 어떤 식으로 외국인에게 높게 가격을 책정시켜야 하는지에 대한 내용이나 둘째 내용에선 국내 사람들 특히 누구에게 도움이 될 것인지 등에 대한 자세한 내용들이 빠져 있습니다 평소에 구성하던 글들과는 다르게 확실히 근거가 약해집니다
On the other hand, I totally disagree with the discriminative pricing policy since it is quite a superficial approach. The biggest risk of it is being able to can bring about the diminution of the number of foreign tourists. For example, >> 예시가 나오는 곳은 확실히 표시해주는게 좋습니다 if they recognized about additional fare for visiting cultural and historical attractions in a particular country, they would decide not to visit that. As a result, the profits through tourism industry would certainly decrease, which can cause an economic damage on a country.
Furthermore, the contribution of foreign tourists to the economy of the host country overwhelms the earnings from the admission of a few tourism spots>> 외국 관광객들이 host country의 경제에 대한 기여는 굉장히 적은 수의 여행지의 입장으로부터의 소득을 압도한다 어딘가가 말이 이상하지 않나요? 비교를 하는데 a few를 넣어서 수를 극히 감소 시킨 부분에서도 비교 범위가 좋지 않구요 admission fee 라고 하시면 됩니다 earnings from~~ 보다는요. They spend a considerable amount of money on a variety of goods and services, including food, souvenirs, and accommodation, and travel. Thus, if a country charges them for added entrance fee and lose these customers, it would be counterproductive for the national economy.
In conclusion, I disagree with the further expense for overseas tourists when they visit cultural and historical spots. I believe that the government should make every effort to attract their customers, rather than imposing additional money.
내용에 초점을 맞추어 보았는데 괜찮을런지.. 첨삭 부탁드립니다^^
-------------------------------------
아무래도 글을 쓰는 형식을 바꾸려고 해보셔서 그런지 전에 없던 실수들도 생겨나고 있네요 이번 글은 전 글에 비해서 정말 좋지 않았습니다 전에 쓴 글의 구조에서 내용적인 면만 조금 파고들면 되는데 이번엔 내용에 중점을 맞추려다 보니 구조가 모두 흐트러졌습니다 본론 1 에서 이미 많은 분량을 할애해서 밑에 2 문단에서도 분량이 적어 확실히 내용이 뒷받침 되지도 않았습니다 문단 하나 자체가 모두 날아갔단게 너무 크고 밑에 내용들도 부실했단 점에서 논리 전개나 통일성, 응집성이 모두 좋지 않았단 점에서 논리에서 큰 감점을 드렸습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다
|