▶ Your Answer :
There are some arguments that we should both follow the other countries' cultural habits when we travel and understand foreign people's manners. Although tourists who visit other countries may suffer from difficulties from the different culture, I confidently insist that visitors should try to follow the local's manners to be absorbed in.
I cannot absolutely deny that people who are accustomed to other customs <(헷갈리게 들립니다. 한 사람이 자기와 다른 다른 문화들에 적응이 된 것 처럼 들립니다.)would have many challenges. This is because it is not easy to accept and adapt to the way of manners in foreign countries as a stranger in a short time. If they have never visited ever before, it would be very unfamiliar and difficult to understand. For example, during a meal, blowing a noses is a rude no manner behaviour in South Korea, but, if we do not blow our a noses during in meal time in France, we would be considered rude no manner people. Therefore, there are various different customs and behaviors in the world. Therefore, we need to have an attitude to understand cultural diversity.
On the other hand, I absolutely believe that most people travel to experience the various customs and make friends all over the world. So, it is natural to follow the local culture and if people ignore it, it can make the local people unpleasant. Of course, a few people would likely to understand these this obnoxious actions but everybody do not understand travelers' impolite behaviors. Also, trying to accept the local people's way of thinking and action could be a good way to socialize with them. It is because we have a tendency to feel a sense of closeness to foreign people who make an effort to adapt to unfamiliar environments.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against about whether tourists should be their best to politely behave or they should be regarded just as visitors, but I am convinced that to leave good memories during travelling, we should learn the local manners.
Score: 6 Comment: 내용의 specificity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋습니다. 정확히 무엇을 이야기하는지 헷갈리게 들리는 문장들이 있습니다. 질문은 discuss both views이기 때문에 두 관점을 서술해주신 후 글쓴이의 의견을 써주시는게 좋습니다. topic sentence을 글쓴이의 주장으로 하시면 전체 내용이 general view 보다는 글쓴이의 주장이 됩니다. 그렇게 되면은 질문을 모두 satisfy하지 않을 수도 있습니다. 또한 내용이 조금 문맥상 맞지 않는 내용들이 있습니다. 예를 들어 사람들을 배우기 위해 여행을 해서 문화를 따르게 된다 라기 보다는 배우기 위해 여행을 가는 것인데 좋은 경험을 하고 배우기 위해서는 문화를 따르는게 더 좋다 라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 관점을 왜 하게 되는지 보다는 왜 해야하는지 에 대한 정보를 주셔야합니다. 그 외에는 1인칭(I, we, us, our) 을 최대한 피해주시는게 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |