Consumer behaviour has changed considerably in
recent years due to technology. In what ways does technology affect consumer
activities such as shopping? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
The introduction of modern technology indeed has
led to an alteration of the behavioural pattern of buyers, having both positive and
negative effects. In this essay, the main contributors of the change in consumer
behaviour (이렇게 쓰면 '원인' 을 다루는 것처럼 보이게 되는데, 이를 대신해서 논제의 ways가 조금 더 직접적으로 드러나도록 적어주시는 게 좋습니다.) and my point of view that the benefits would overwhelm its drawbacks will
be addressed.
As regards the factors, the development of the Internet
technology would predominantly influence in the change of behavioural pattern
of purchasers. Firstly, a multitude of online reviews about the products enable
people to search and comprehend the information about them before the purchase.
With the increase in popularity of social network or vlog, sharing positive or
negative feedback of the goods and services has become a common activity of
consumers. Consequently, people could engage in smarter consumption. Besides, the
tendency to compare the price of the products has been stronger with the
expansion of online shopping. The broader options based on the coexistence of
online and offline shopping channels would improve the inclination of consumers
in buying the products at a lower price.
Turning to the advantages, the change in
consumption pattern would lead to a more reasonable purchase in terms of price.
As consumers show great penchant for cheaper items, many companies would focus
on the reduction of price or promotion for sales. In other words, strong desire
of people for reasonable spending would develop the competition among companies
and, as a result, people could gain goods and service at lower price. At the
same time, the problem of false and misleading advertisement would be
mitigated. Consumers can discern wrong and right information of products via a
diverse range of reviews on the Internet. In this respect, altered consumer
behaviours would be beneficial to kerb faulty advertising.
In conclusion, the Internet would be the main
factor of the change in consumers behavioural responses, regarding review and
comparison of products. (여기의 경우도 서론과 마찬가지입니다. 논제에 따르면 what ways 를 다뤄야 하는데, 적어도 이 부분에서는 Cause를 다루고 있기 때문에 적절하지 않죠.) Although this trend would bring about some negative effects,
advantages would surpass drawbacks with the reduction of the price and distorted adverts.
감사합니다. :)
총평: (6/7/8/7) 7.0
일단 시험은 이미 치르셨고, 적어도 라이팅 때문에 시험을 다시 쳐야할일은 웬만하면 없을 것 같으니까 짧게만 말씀드리겠습니다! 서/결론에서의 문제는 아마 평상시의 논제들이 ways가 아닌 cause를 묻는 경향이 있고, 이에 따라 약간은 기계적으로 접근하다가 생긴 게 아닌가 싶네요. 본론1은 어쨌든 결과적으로는 ways를 일정 부분 다루고 있어서 괜찮지만, 이를 담고 있는 서/결론의 틀이 잘못되었으므로 해당 부분만 살짝 수정해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :) 좋은 결과 기다릴게요~