People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? |
The more expectation of higher education has increased, the more people attend college or university nowadays. There are diverse reasons why people go to college or university, but I think this choice is related to their better future life, especially their career. First of all, there is a significant gap between people who just graduated from a high school and those graduated from a university, especially on their salary and opportunity in the company. For example, a lot of companies have operated a future-leader course and this course has been open to only college or university graduates. It sounds unfair, but some people believe that graduating from the finest university guarantees a person’s punctuality and ability. In other words, attending a good college and university can affect a person’s career, by extension, a person’s future social-economic status. Moreover, people can experience more and expand their horizons by attending college or university. Through new experiences that are different from the high school life, people find a proper career that matches their personality. For instance, they understand their interests more deeply or even change their future career path by doing extracurricular activities or volunteer activities. (이건 고등학교에서도 일정 부분 가능한 사항이므로, 보다 대학교에만 집중될 수 있는 근거를 찾아주시는 게 좋습니다.) In addition, they can make use of their experiences when they apply for jobs. Therefore, going to college or university help people choose what they will do in future. In conclusion, it can’t (줄임말은 풀어써주세요~) be deniable that people go on to college or university because they want to get a better career path or more o 총평: (7/6/7/7) 7.0 제가 일단 문단 구분을 수정해드렸는데, 원본 글처럼 어디는 엔터 한 번, 어디는 엔터 두 번으로 일관적이지 않은 모습이 보이지 않도록 주의해주세요~문단의 구분은 엔터 한 번+탭 한 번, 혹은 엔터 두 번으로 해주시면 됩니다. 바로 전 글과 같이만 해주시면 돼요. 이것도 점수에 들어가는 사항이니까 신경써주세요~ 그리고 먀먀먐먀님의 경우 영어 실력(문법+어휘) 가 충분히 좋기 때문에 task 2에 있어서는 웬만하면 7.0을 넘기실 겁니다. 그러나 아마 이전 시험에서 6.5를 받으셨던 것은 task 1 때문일 것이고요. 7.0 이상의 고득점 구간에서는 task 1도 반드시 챙겨야하고, 여기서 발목 잡히는 일이 빈번하니까 꼭 이쪽도 공부해주세요~수고하셨습니다 :) |
기존 점수: 6.5
목표 점수: 7.0
감사합니다 :)