▶ Your Answer : In recent years, advanced technology has affected many ways people live. In this essay, I will highlight the changes of peoples' relationships in technological modern society and discuss whether this trends are positive or not. <(good) First of all, it is obvious that people are more interactive and close to each other than the past through many changes by technology. Technological developments allowed people are able to be able to keep in touch easily with their friends and relatives who live far away from them. For example, by using messengers on the smartphones and e-mails through the internet, individuals can interact with each other any time, and any where. In the past, people needed to pay to send for sending mails to other countries or cities and wait for a long time to receive an answer. Therefore, people live in modern society benefit from the developments of technology even though people interact with each other indirectly. However, I strongly believe that there are negative changes by advanced technology. People are losing opportunity to develop their social skills to talk with other people in a direct way. It is a well-known fact that a number of people these days spend longer time while texting or calling their friends through smartphones and laptops, rather than meeting friends in person. According to a recent study done in China, a group which is consisted of students who preferred online communications showed lower scores in social skills area than another group of students who have had face to face meeting frequently. Furthermore, more than two-thirds of all respondents also answered they experienced conflicts with people more often in case of not facing each other to communicate as technology is barely able to show the facial expressions. As this result clearly shows, indirect interaction using technology can affect people's relationships and social skills. <(need to shorten/summarize) In short, since technology has been developed dramatically, it is undeniable that people have been able to experience the convenience of communication. However, there are also many negative effects on the relationships in modern society. Therefore, we should try to recognize the dark side of technology progress and be aware of potential negative effects.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 내용은 아주 좋습니다. 다만 frequent grammar mistakes가 있습니다. 글을 쓰신 후 꼭 proofreading 하시는 것을 추천합니다. 그 외네느 글이 조금 wordy합니다. 내용을 조금 더 summarize 하시는 것을 추천합니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |