▶ Your Answer :
As more students are educated and the
illiteracy rates are decreased, the value of cooperation in study becomes focused. Even
though it could have some benefits beneficial to study alone, the synergy effects from
study within a group are is having more competitive edges. Therefore, study with a
group has more benefits.
Studying alone can be advantageous in
several ways. Since students have complete freedom, they can schedule for their
own study. Students can study at their own pace and can prioritise the list of study
subjects according to the students' preferences. However, it will limit the
perception of students' view on a topic and that could limit the application of
concepts. This could have a huge default at work, since the majority of work
involves of application from theories. Therefore, It seems that studying in a
group can cover up such drawbacks.
By studying in a group, it can provide the
broad knowledge from other students so that students can learn the application
of theories in many different ways. In the case of civil cases, for example, each individual would verify the cases
differently and their judgment can differ differs dependent depending on the understanding of cases.
By having a various perceptions from different parties, students can be able to
grasp the social skills. Students may understand other people's person's situation by
stepping into their shoes, and they would form the interaction skills. 다양한 관점을 배워서 적용할 줄 알게 되는 것과 social skill을 기른다는 내용이 뒤섞여 있어요. social skill에 대한 내용은 바로 다음 문단에서 다루고 있으니까 정리해주는 게 좋습니다.
Even though there are some downsides to the
group study, students can learn more about the interactions by studying in a
group. Studying in a group means students have to follow adjust their pace to other students' student's pace
of learning, and which can be considered as same as the work place. At the work
place, the employees must follow the employer's pace to complete the tasks by
given deadlines which set by employers. 공부하는 친구들과 같이 속도 등을 맞춰나가는 것과 회사에서 상사가 정해준 기한에 맞춰 일하는 것은 개념이 다릅니다. 학습, 공부가 주제인데 계속 work이야기를 꺼내는 것도 논점을 흐리는 요인이 됩니다. Therefore, the more students engage
with group study, they would be able to get the socialisation skills and learn
about the ways to understand other student's perceptions.
In conclusion, even though the individual
learning could have more freedoms and own pace of learning, the studying in a
group is more suitable for living in the modern society living. From engaging with other students,
students would form the socialisation skills by seeing the broad perspectives
from each individual. By having the broad perceptions and understanding others' other
person's perspective, students may be able to form the synergy effects to get
the better results at school and society.
IELTS 1-9 score stale score: 6 competent user
그룹스터디의 장점을 잘 설명해서 정확히 문제에 답하고 있지만 본론2, 본론3의 내용이 정확하게 구분되지 않는 점은 CC항목에서 감점요인이 될 수 있어요. 두 문단의 내용이 겹치는 부분도 있고, 둘 다 비슷한 요지를 다룬다는 느낌이 들기 때문에 문단을 굳이 두 개나 써야 하는 필요성을 느끼기 어렵습니다. 아이엘츠는 분량이 기준치를 너무 넘어서는 것도 감점요인이 될 수 있다고 해요. 꼭 필요한 만큼만 논리 전개에 내용을 활용하는 연습도 같이 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다!
아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현
- GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성
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