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In recent years, some people insist that teenagers who committed severe crimes should be considered like older criminals. (어떤 부분에 있어서 성인 범죄자들과 똑같이 고려되어야 하는지를 적어주셔야 해요. 여기의 경우 형, '벌금 등을 부과할 때' 라는 표현이 들어가야겠죠.) The This essay
will discuss the merits and demerits of this idea, and then give my own
perspective in the conclusion.
Firstly, one of the advantages is that it (새로운 문단이 시작되므로, 새로운 글을 쓴다고 생각하고 이 it 이 무엇인지 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요.) can be a great way
to prevent other teenagers from committing same crimes. In particular, there are
several youngsters who misuse the lower levels of punishment to the youth
rather than that to the old. The strong treatment can be a warning for them not to
commit same serious crimes. Secondly, young criminals who get punished like
adults are less likely to commit the same crimes in the future. This is because they
can deeply realize the results of the commitment by being treated in the same
way as adults. Therefore, it is clear that it can play an important role in
forcing teenagers not to be criminals.
Despite these arguments mentioned above, there are some
drawbacks too (구어체에 가까운 표현이므로 as well 등을 사용해주세요.). To begin with, it would deprive young criminals of more
opportunities to learn and follow the social rules. Many experts believe that
teenagers should have more chances to be mature than adults, since they had
less time to learn morality. (이 근거의 경우 이것만으로는 설명이 너무 부족합니다. 일단 '왜' 기회의 박탈이 이루어지는지 설명해주셔야 합니다. 예를 들어 기회를 받을 시기에 감옥에 있어서 기회를 부여받지 못한다는 점 등이 들어가야해요.) In addition, the experience of being treated like
serious criminals can play a significant role of a stigma for teenagers when they become
adults. It would lower their self-esteem so that they may give up adapting to
the society after the punishment. Thus, the strict treatment would have
negative effects on the society in a long term perspective.
In conclusion, although both opinions are reasonable, I
think that the disadvantages prevail over the advantages. This is because a society should provide young people with opportunities to become better in
order to improve the overall social morality. (내용 자체는 맞지만 틀을 조금 바꿔주셔야 합니다. ~~청소년범들이 성인범과 같은 취급을 받게 될 경우 ~~~앞의 내용을 부정하는 식으로요.) |