Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
In these days, online shopping is gaining huge popularity among people. Some people worry about online shopping for its lack of trust like the possible danger of fraud compared to the off-line shops that are operated by face-to-face business style, (여기에 뭔가 생략된 것 같은데...저는 일단 단순 실수라고 봐서 그냥 두겠고, 직접 수정해보시면 되겠습니다. 혹시 어떻게 수정해야할지 모르시겠다면, 이 문장을 통해 의도하신 바와 함께 댓글 주시면 바꿔드릴게요!) the advantages are overwhelming the disadvantages.
Frist of all, online shopping saves a huge (문법만 바꿔드리면 이렇게 되는데, huge 의 경우 구어에 속하는 편이라 바꿔주시는 게 좋아요. 뒤에도 마찬가지이고요.) amount of time of people in
modern cities. If one wants to buy something from shops on the street or big
shopping malls, he/she must go through a huge traffic jam and should spend spent hours
in line to finish shopping. Meanwhile, by using online based markets, only
several minutes are needed from the start to finish the order. Adding to that,
advanced delivery systems that online shops are operating bring the products to
our doors within several days. Thus, by using online shops, people can invest
one’s time to enjoy hobby or develop careers in a more productive way.
Secondly, consumers can buy products in lower price when they use
online shops. In off-line shops, the real-estate price for operating shops on
the street or mall is added to the price for making ends meet of shop owners.
Adding to that, off-line shops must undergo expenses for hiring managers or
sellers for their sales which are also added to the price of products. However,
in online shops, expenses noted above are zero. Instead of putting their asset
to these expenses, online shops can lower the price of products that gives
better chances for the customers. For example, for young students who are concerned about concerning for
both account balance and fashion can, they can rely on online stores that sells same
shirts with 20% cheaper price than off-line shops.
To conclude, there can be some worries about online shops. However, the advent of online shops are helping people to overcome the limited time in their busy lives and giving better chances for having same goods in lower prices.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
평소 적어주시는 글들에 비해 표현상 조금씩 아쉬운 부분이 있었으므로 수정해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.
그리고 outweigh 유형에서는 말 그대로 outweigh, 즉 상쇄를 보일 수 있어야합니다. 단순히 장점만 나열하는 선에서 그치는 게 아니라, 그 장점이 잠재적인 단점들을 어떻게 누르는지를 작성해주셔야해요. 이에 대해서는 원래 제가 칼럼글을 적기로 예정이 되어있지만 최근 타업무로 너무 바빠서 시간이 없는지라ㅠㅠ우선은 이에 관해 잘 쓴 수험생의 글 하나를 넣어드리겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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