Students at schools and universities learn far more from lessions with teachers than other sources such as the Internet and television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly seen that preference of students about the method of taking a class to from teachers at schools and universities increase more and more than other resources like the Internet or television. (여기 문장이 현재 되게 꼬인 상태인데, 댓글 한번 주셔야 할 것 같습니다. 뒤의 this opinion 에서 opinion 과 충돌하는 것도 문제가 있고 해서요.) I strongly agree with this opinion as I think that students should need education through teaching of teachers.
First of all, students are enabled to improve
their intellectual senses by receiving education from teachers. Most Almost all kinds
of schools and universities aim to provide education about academic subjects
such as mathmatics, science, ethics and so on. It allows that enhances learners’
various knowledge up to a certain level in order to function in the society. In
this process, there is a direct feedback about their incorrect information from
teachers so people who receive that would study and understanding information in
depth than other materials especially the Internet. (핵심은 여기가 됩니다. 사실 앞의 improve their intellectual sense 는 인터넷을 통해서도 충분히 가능하기 때문에, 차별을 주지 못하죠. 따라서 '직접적인 피드백' 을 문단의 핵심으로 삼고 수정해주세요~) Thus, students need academical
assistance of teachers.
Secondly, it eventually helps to create their (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 시작되어서는 안 됩니다.)
good valued and views from teachers. This is because, there are many opportunities
that to not only meet a diversity of people in regards to like quality, occupation and age but
also, communicate with them. Through these interactions in class, students are
likely to learn how to build or develop relationships with people who are older
than themselves. In addition, teachers have positive effects to learners. Their
enthusiasm, quality and how to dealing with some problems can enhance students’
various ways. (이것에 대한 설명이 필요합니다.)
In conclusion, students can learn more from teachers. I opine that students should receive an educate through teachers’ teaching.
총 글자수:250자
총 소요시간:38분
4일거 전반적인 근거들 모두 수정해서 다시 agree 입장으로만 다시 썼어요!
감사합니다!
총평: 네 지현님 agree disagree, 그리고 이 외에 논제에서 수험생 본인의 의견만을 요구할 경우 이런 식으로 작성해주시면 되겠습니다. 위에 말씀드렸듯이 본론 첫 번째 문단은 차별화가 100% 이루어지고 있는 상황은 아니라, 파란 부분을 핵심으로 삼아서 수정해주시고요! 수고하셨습니다 :)