▶ Your Answer :
Although cycling is better than other kinds of transport in health and environmental aspects, it is not preferred by many people. This essay will discuss reasons of this phenomenon and measures to increase its popularity. <(그 이유 자체들을 thesis statement에 짧게 소개해주셔도 됩니다)
First of all, it seems that needs for more physical energy to do cycling is the main reason for the phenomenon. To ride bicycles, the riders need to do physical activity by their own feet foots, but modern people who are familiar with sedentary lifestyle avoid such types of activities. Secondly, safety is an another reason. In many countries, there are is still no cycling roads, which means the riders should use the road with cars and huge buses. That is, if it <(what is it?) is hitted by cars, the results should be hugely horrible, so people concern the risk of safety. Lastly, uncomfortableness is an additional reason, as people do not want to ride bicycles during hot weathers in hot summer weather due to a worry about the smell of sweat.
However, there are some possible measures to increase cycling’s popularity. Firstly, campaigns and education can be a measure, by telling people the health and environmental benefits of cycling. Then, the increased awareness could persuade people to do cycling although there are some needs for physical energy and uncomfortableness. Secondly, establishing facilities <(what kind of facilities?) is also an effective measure. For example, in City of Sejong, South Korea, there are shower rooms next to bicycle garages at working place as well as cycling roads, and many people use the cycling as their transport for commuting or shopping.
In conclusion, demanding physical energy, safety risk and uncomfortableness are the reasons of its<(what is it?) unpopularity although there are various health and environmental benefits. However, it can be more popular by raising awareness through campaigns and education of the benefits as well as establishing related facilities such as shower rooms and cycling roads.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 내용이 좋다고 생각합니다. 주로 spelling과 specificity 에 신경을 조금 더 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 단어 형태에 주의를 조금 더 해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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