▶ Your Answer :
There is an the
argument that governments have to invest for development of railways rather than
roads. I agree with this opinion because of two reasons. that One is the aspect
of efficiency and another is for conserving the environment. This essay will
discuss about these reasons with examples, followed by a conclusion. <(to what extent질문이기 때문에 그저 I agree는 질문을 fully satisfy하지는 않습니다)
At first,
railways are more effective than roads in terms of saving time and money.
Normally, using a railway is one of the cheapest transport and also this way allows is
able to perfectly avoid traffic jam that expends time to get to a destination. For
example, when I went from Seoul to Busan in South Korea by a car on a road., it
took at least six 6 hours even though there were not serious congestion. However,
when I used the train on a railroad, I could get back from Busan to Seoul in taking
just three 3 hours. Moreover, I could save saving 20,000 won compared to using a road where that
I have to pay for fuel and passing toll gates. <(숫자 1~10은 글로 써주시는게 좋습니다)
Secondly, using
a railway is much more eco-friendly than a road. Roads that are used by
vehicles can cause air pollution and decline of fuel <(??). For instance, emission
greenhouse gas emission rate accounts of for 30% by automobiles and 25% of using fossil fuel
is caused by a car. <(little unclear) Since the environment problem is considered seriously, many
social communities and governments are encouraging suing public transportation <(??) nowadays. Using a car could be more convenient to move from a door to a door.
However, conserving environment is a much more an important issue for humans.
In conclusion, I
agree that governments should to try and for development of railways financially.
Because railways have benefits that are is very efficient for saving money and time
and helpful to reduce greenhouse gas and overusing fuel.<(sentence fragment)
Score: 6 Comment: 질문에 대한 답은 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 문법상 틀리시는 곳이 많습니다. 또한 이해가 잘 안되는 문구들이 일부 있습니다. 숫자 1~10은 글로 써주셔야합니다. 또한 body 내용에서는 I를 최대한 안쓰시는게 좋습니다. 표현에도 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 거 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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