▶ Your Answer :
Doing
voluntary work, which has been conducted by schools, can bring the gaining of practical
experiences for teenagers and the financial savings for companies. However,
despite these benefits, companies waste too much resource and the pressures for
teenagers are more problems <(unclear). Unpaid
work would provide several advantages for teenagers. Firstly, students would be
able to learn the responsibility of work and the time management. Arriving
punctually and working within a team would enable students to learn the
importance of time management and the responsibility. Secondly, voluntary work
encourages students to focus on studies. Voluntary work would provide the
opportunity for students to observe the real business environments since many
young teenagers are spending the time ineffectively during the break. This would encourage students to focus on
their studies by dreaming the positions within the company. Therefore, teenagers
would get the most benefits from doing the voluntary work. Despite
teenagers' benefits, companies do not gain anything from hiring teenagers for
free. From the company's perspective, hiring immature teenagers would involve several lost; of time, costs, and quality of work, and it may also be a risk. Hiring teenagers is are
definitely a risk since the quality of work they are producing is unknown. It
is not the most preferable choice to hire voluntary workers because companies
cannot expect to get any help from children except requesting simple daily
tasks due to immaturity. Furthermore, teenagers would take a long time to be trained conducting training, which would involve a lot of money and time, because they
are immature to understand the basic concept of business and the society.
Therefore, there is a risk involving employing unskilled students regardless
with the length of the training, because the quality of work is unknown.
In conclusion, although unpaid work benefits the
students, it certainly does not help the company.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 전체적으로 summarize를 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 더 다양한 문구나 표현을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |